Awwwww the sweet taste of Irony

Something my sister said to me the other day just hit me like a brick wall....What is even better about this, is that it has been right in front of me all along only i am apparently to slow to catch on. She asked me "why do you always tell everyone you are from NY?" Fact, I was born in Albany New York, lived there less than a year, and other than one visit back have absolutely no memories of the place.....I always say it because, not only is it true, but for some reason my heart longs for the East Coast! Every time i visit it i fall more in love with it....As Ryan knows and is reminded often, we will be moving to the East Coast eventually.....but the question still lingers.....why is that my claim to fame...possibly because i may have been raised in South Dakota, but i do not love it, nor do i see its splendor anymore, and why is that......because i have never gotten to live anywhere else!!!! So for the countless times i have complained to Ryan about all the moving and travels his life has taken him on, and how boring and mundane my life is.....why did i ever drag my heels to move to India?????? I guess maybe it is that wanting and doing are two completely different things....To talk of a desire to get away from this place still leaves you in the safety of familiarity....no risk in dreaming of an adventure while staying firmly planted in the same place....it is easy to whine and complain about never getting to go anywhere or do anything, when you really aren't trying as hard as you could be.....

So it may not be a permanent move to the east coast......but seriously......WHO GETS TO GO TO INDIA!!!!!!! This is an even bigger adventure than i ever dreamed of! I cant seem to wrap my brain around that i am getting to experience something huge, a place that most of my American friends will never see and would probably love to go, and i get to live there and absorb all of its uniqueness!!!!!! I am really hoping that i don't wake up tomorrow and find out that it was all a dream, but i do wish i would wake up and see what is right in front of me......I ASKED FOR TRAVEL, ADVENTURE, AND EXCITEMENT.......WELL HERE IT IS!!!!!!!

Lookin back on the last 3 years....

Tonight i spent a lot of time in reflection of my life since i met Ryan and i realized one thing for certain....i was fortunate enough to marry my best friend!!!!! He is such an amazing man and i am so grateful for him....I cant imagine my life without him in it....that much i know!!!!! We may never have a "normal" life and as a pilots wife i accept that...It's funny, because i thought i knew what i was getting into when i met him, but looking 3 years back, well i didn't have a clue! When you hear reference to "pilots significant others" you can be certain that they are a breed of their own...there is no job like it, you spend most of your time apart and even when they are home they tend to live out of a suitcase! It is never dull, and keeps you on your toes at all times! I certainly cling to the "Pilots spouse and SO group" i have joined, they have been a lifeline for me in the good and bad times....What a wild and crazy turn my life has taken, sometimes it hardly seems real and i do pinch myself often! LOL

A life apart........

So it has been brought to my attention, by a dear friend, that maybe i should share what it has been like for me to spend these last 8 months without Ryan, being that there may be other pilots wives who could benefit from my experiences.....

There is a reason why i have not really been open about how i am REALLY feeling, and have done my best to mask the hurt and mundanely keep going through the motions of living, and the reason is that it is all still very painful for me....but the proverbial light is shining at the end of the tunnel, so i will give it a go!

When Ryan left, 8 long months ago, I knew that it would be hard...I figured i would cry for a few days and then get back to living, but that never happened. Instead i withdrew myself from life little by little, until the person i was faded into the background and was replaced by an empty shell...I tried my best to keep up the pace, but when your heart is literally breaking every day, that is easier said than done! What was worse, was that not only was I putting up a wall around me, but I soon felt Ryan doing the same! In complete devastation i realized that both of us trying to cope with the pain of separation was putting a real wedge between us, that could only lead to disaster if left unresolved! Most of my friends did not know what to do with me, and not being there fault at all, had no idea what i was going through or how to console me, so in the end most of them gave up! I am thankful for the few that never backed down and stuck with me even when i pushed them away!

Ryan came home on his first break of being gone 10 weeks and seeing him was like falling in love all over again! The way he looked, the way he sounded, his sweet smell, his tender touch, his amazing kiss....even now the mere thought of that reunion sends chills down my spine! I felt that we could do this after all, my heart was renued and i knew that nothing could tear us apart! What i didn't bargain for was that the rest of our reunions would not be as sweet, i guess it was foolhardy to think that it would always feel that way! So when he left I cried, but i knew i would see him soon, so i held onto the feelings that we had just shared, but as days turned to weeks and weeks to months i found myself yet again slipping into depression...our phone conversations were barely fulfilling since neither of us had much to add, and we sat in silence more often then not! When he flew in for his second break my fears were confirmed...the butterflies were gone, and neither of us embraced each other with the same urgency we had shared before....I knew in my heart that we were on the road to destruction!

We spent those 3 weeks together, but it just wasn't the same....the distance between us was so real you could touch it! I loved him, but somehow i had managed to not need him, and in the not needing came the giving up on that deep seeded love we had once shared...I was not only devastated, i was terrified, and i knew that if we continued this that we would not make it another year, let alone 3 years! You see it is a very fine line to walk, still loving someone, but having to give up needing them in your daily life....It is something i am sure most pilots wives completely understand what i am saying! Our lives were two very seperate entities held together only by a vow, and that is nothing without the love and devotion to back it up!!!!! We didn't talk about anything important in those 3 weeks and seemed to both just be going through the motions of being a married couple! I had to keep asking myself how i could let this happen!!!! When he left, i was not sad and hardly cried...We had to put a stop to this!

Then something happened that woke me out of this stupor....Mumbai India was attacked by terrorists and for the first time in my life i was terrified for my husband! I called him at 3 in the morning completely unhinged and woke my poor sleeping pilot in typical freaked out wife manner! He assured me he was safe and sound in Pune and would not be flying to Mumbai any time soon, so i attempted to calm down....Only now all of the voices echoed in my mind "just be happy he isn't deployed to the middle east." Well no he wasn't deployed he was on his own in a country that was now under terror attacks, not in the military where he had others watching his back or staying in a military base as he would have been if he were still in the Air Force! I desperately wanted him to come home!

I began to experience something in my 30 years of life that i have never experienced....I started having Anxiety attacks, and for anyone who has ever had them they are so real it is out of control!!! I feel like someone is grabbing me by the ribs and squeezing as hard as they can, while trapping me in a small room that i am incapable of escaping!!!! It is torture! Something had to change and quick, because i was spinning dangerously out of control, and could not continue like this!

I left for India with no intention of staying, just merely giving it a fair chance, but when i got there my answer was right in front of me! If i wanted to save not only my marriage but also my sanity i would need to come to him....Being with him calmed me, no more anxiety, no more worries....just calm! I enjoyed India more than i ever could have imagined and seeing how happy it made him made my choice simple and clear! So there it is.....In 6 weeks i will be moving to India, I am going to give this all I have got and see what happens....After all.....it's my adventure to, and what better than to share it with someone you love!!!!!

The countdown is on

It is so strange being back home....It is wonderful to see everyone and to get to do regular day to day things, but i must admit my heart aches for India. Its not just Ryan, I truly do enjoy it! I miss so much the chaos and the break in the routine...nothing in India goes the way you want it to and that is a lesson i really need to learn!

I am enjoying my time with my family, friends and my dogs, and i know my heart is going to break when i go, but this is important, Ryan and I need this! I have been dreaming about India lately, i really think it is stuck on the brain! I wish i could take you all there, because all the descriptions, and pictures in the world will not even come close to actually experiencing it!

I did however enjoy grocery shopping when i got home! I was like a kid in the candy store, certainly much more convenient than in India, but i will get it figured out!

I really want to make the most out of these next 6 weeks, so please don't hesitate to call me or let me know if you want to spend some time together, also Ryan will be home for a week the end of January (just in time to turn 31, poor old guy) and then we wont be back again until June!

The India adventure continues!!!!

So it is time to close the betting pool....whoever put their money on 8 months is the big winner....that's right, i am heading to India, again, only this time i will be staying for 4 months....we will see how i handle it and go from there.

It is a bit scary for me to give up all my American freedoms, i am going to miss my family, dogs, friends, car, mall, fast food, basically the USA!!!! This has to be done though, it has reached a fork in the road for us and i need to be willing to give this a try!

I am excited because i loved India, but i am nervous because Ryan wont be around much....the good thing is that he has 2 roommates and Becca and her husband are just a few houses away! I know that i will find much to do to keep busy!

I hope that all of you will keep in touch, because you will be my only lifeline to reality! I will be home in June so it is not forever, although i am not going to miss the cold weather here at all and will be more than happy to come back when summer has arrived here!

It is scary to think i only have 6 weeks left before i pack up again, and after my last travel fiasco i am a bit nervous, but oh well, it cant be as bad as last time! LOL Maybe i spoke too soon again! WOOPS!!!!!!

I will continue to blog and post pics often, i will also still have my cell number as well as an Indian cell phone, although it will be cheaper for me to call you than the other way around....also for any of you that want to be able to talk to me for free, you can use Skype...it is how Ryan and i communicate....and it is free! If you have a web cam then you can even see me!

I am here for the next 6 weeks and i am looking to make it memorable, so if your around lets get together! I am going to miss you all so much!!!! But who can pass up the chance to see the Tigers LOL.

So that's that and not much more to say about it! Lil Miss Adventure has another adventure ahead of her......Look out world, HERE I COME!!!!!!!

And to my best friend East, your going to be the hardest part of leaving, but i will follow the yellow brick road home....love Dor!

It appears i spoke to soon!!!! (Dec 23rd 2008)

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....my hopes for a peaceful journey home were completely insane i have come to find out!!!!! That's what i get for hoping something might go easy on this trip!!!!! LOL

Lets see....i arrived at Newark Liberty plenty early, got checked in and through security without a hitch....only then did i notice that my flight out of Newark was delayed by an hour....my layover in Minneapolis was only 50 minutes, just to start painting a picture for you....

So i in my infinite travel wisdom left security and headed back to the ticket counter to take care of this problem early instead of waiting until i arrived, i know right....what a great idea! I was then told that all flights that could get me to Rapid City were over booked and unless i made my impossible connection i would not be flying home to Rapid today, not only today but the flights were booked solid for the entire week.....YAY

So i was put on standby for a Rapid flight and reserved a seat on a Sioux Falls flight....nothing sounds better after the days of traveling i had just gotten through then to arrive in Sioux Falls and then drive all night to get home, but hell it was the only option i was given!

So my flight landed 5 minutes after my flight was scheduled to take off, only it had been canceled so there was no prayer for me anyways! All of us now needed a ride home to Rapid and wouldn't you know it, there were only 3 standby seats available and about 30 of us who needed it! Needless to say i was not the lottery winner and i then raced to make it to my Sioux Falls flight!

My dad hearing i couldn't get on the Rapid flight got in his car and started to drive to Sioux Falls, he would arrive 2 to 3 hours after me so i got to hang out in the Sioux Falls airport...now there are some good times LOL

I am exhausted so i am going to make this long story short....by the time my dad got there the entire state of SD was experiencing blizzard like conditions so me and my daddy got to drive all night in just about the worst conditions possible...I was exhausted and so was he so we took turns driving! We made it home by 4am and i got all of 3 hours of sleep before i woke up unable to fall back to sleep! So i figured it would be a great time to head back to the airport to get my luggage......and i bet you can t guess the end..........

THAT'S RIGHT!!!!!! THEY LOST MY BAGS AND ARE NOT SURE WHERE THEY ARE AT THIS TIME, BUT THEY WILL LET ME KNOW AS SOON AS THEY FIGURE IT OUT!!!!!! YAY

Well my friends....this adventure is over, and thank God for that cause i need a vacation to recover from my vacation!!!!!

The last day...... (Dec 17th 2008)

So today Ryan and I took what will be my last bike ride in Hyderabad for this trip....It was certainly bittersweet, i am not ready to go! Finally the realization hit me and sunk in, to me all of this is fun, new and exciting, but as i see the city crumbling around me i cannot fathom what it must be like to know that i have to stay here for the rest of my life....I am saddened for these people, for the poverty and crumbling society that is there world for their lifetime. It is mind blowing, although i will enjoy the time i spend here immensely, i will be happy that my home is America.

Today I became Ryan's pack horse as the passenger stuck carrying his new guitar for an hour long ride home....fortunately for me he bought a case with backpack straps, so it was just uncomfortable and rubbed my shoulders raw, but i was not stuck holding it by hand. You see it all day long here, the passengers on the bike holding things that you or i wouldn't even consider putting on a bike...glass windows, marble slabs, or even a microwave, it is insane!

I also got to enjoy my morning buying a pearl necklace....Hyderabad is known for its pearls, or so we have been told....It was like the scene from "Sweet Home Alabama" only it wasn't Tiffany's and they weren't diamonds....but the overly helpful Indians (i have 5 helping me at once) kept bringing necklace after necklace, earrings after earrings, and bracelet after bracelet...In the end they customized the necklace i wanted into a single strand and shortened the length as per my request...i also left with some pretty earrings....not spending over 50 usd for the entire lot, have i mentioned that i love this place LOL

I was disappointed to find out that the spa Ryan took me to could not fill my acrylic nails so instead i received a manicure and pedicure for just a few bucks, then we ate at a Mexican restaurant that was very acceptable in my mind, kinda spicy for me, but hey this is India.....even the mild is spicy!!!!

Well this will be my last India blog, tomorrow i will start my journey back to the States....I am excited because Ryan will be flying me for one of my flights, i cant wait to be his passenger!!!!! I am truly going to miss India, it is hard to say goodbye......

A night in the streets....a different world (Dec 16th 2008)

So today was another quiet relaxing day for the most part...Ryan worked in the morning so i spent a good part of my day with Becca and the rest with Brett. It was nice to spend time with them and get to know them a little better. Later when Ryan finally got home (his flight was held up for 2 hours due to runway maintenance) it was too late to go get my manicure so the 4 of us went to dinner at the Novotel. I had a buffalo burger, which is about as close to beef as i can get in Hyderabad, it was average so i will stick to chicken!

Tonight Ryan and i ventured out on the streets of Hyderabad, and i had my first experience with the city at night...It was a completely different India for me. The traffic seemed heavier and the people were everywhere, this place seems to come alive at night and i thought it was insane during the day. I definitely felt that we were in a bit more danger than usual, i don't think it pays to be a white foreigner in the city when the sun goes down, just a gut reaction but we didn't wander to far from the safety of home.

Hyderabad is a mostly Muslim populated area, so as the sun went down the town began to broadcast some form of Muslim prayers that you could hear from afar...I finally saw the desperation, destitute and hopelessness that this city holds. During the day it is possible to turn a blind eye to the poverty, but at night it is impossible to miss as you see the people gathering in there homes, which are no more than tarp tents and wood shanty's, and i am not exaggerating. Even the stray dog population seems to triple after dark, and my heart broke as i saw, hurt, starving and flee infested dogs everywhere....the only humane thing i can see is a shotgun for these poor creatures.

My time here in India is nearing an end, and although i am excited to see you all again, i am not ready to leave...I have falling deeply in love with India, it makes no sense at all because this place is about as backwards as a place can be, but as i walked through Dream Valley (our gated and guarded community) this afternoon i felt a new kind of sorrow. My new friends that i would be leaving, my husband that i would separated again from, a country that i enjoy immensely....this is all happening to fast and i am certain my heart will ache when i get on that plane in less than 48 hours...

One thing is for certain....I will be returning and it will be soon!

Another Day in the Streets (Dec 15th 2008)

Today was yet another wondrous day on the streets of Hyderabad!!!! Although today was less like Frogger and more like Grand Theft Auto....all i needed was a baseball bat and Ryan and i could have ruled the streets! It must have been suicidal pedestrian day because everyone seemed to be jumping out in front of us, and i am completely certain the buses were offered extra money to kill the Americans because it seemed they were doing there best to squash us at every turn....It was soooooooooooooo much fun, and i really don't think it is possible to scare me anymore....this place is riot and i love it more and more every day!!!!

Ryan and i went and saw Polar Express at the IMax in 3D and that was very cool, although i had to keep reminding myself as we walked through the mall after the movie that we are not supposed to touch each other, it is such habit to grab for a his hand, but that is not something that you do around here in public...i still feel very self-concious with being a woman here since i am far less clothed than all of them, mostly wearing burqa's and sari's, so we decided to go shopping so that i could feel more covered.

What an adventure that turned out to be...The girl was very overly helpful and led me to the dressing room carrying armloads of tops and then continued to bring them too me when i was in the dressing room....I have discovered one very important fact as i tried on shirt after shirt....Indian woman are not only beautiful and tiny, but they have no boobs....it was damn near comical as i tried to get these tops over my big ladies....in the end i found 3 cute tops (cute being that they will remain in India and will only be worn here, sorry no bar appearance for these shirts....they are comfy but not my style at all!!!!) Ryan and i did a little post shopping photo shoot so you could check out my new digs!

All in all this has been yet again a fun filled day....Tomorrow we will go to the Novotel and i will attempt to get my acrylic nails filled, this language barrier is a bitch sometimes, and i have no idea what they actually scheduled me for at the salon....guess i will find out tomorrow!!!! PS have i mentioned that it is a stable mid 80's everyday here....I am enjoying this and dreading the snow that is waiting for me back home!!!!! Miss you all, that is for sure!!!!!!

Chillin in India (Dec 14th)

Today was a very quiet day...Ryan is doing an overnight in Pune so he has been gone since last night and wont be back until tomorrow. It has been a beautiful day sitting at an average of 80 degrees...i cant get over this weather, its December and it is perfect!!!!! I love it!

I woke up to the maid ringing the doorbell and so i got up and spent the rest of my morning reading, writing emails and downloading pics! It kinda sucks that i am 12 hours ahead of most of you because when i want to chat you are all sleeping LOL!!!! I had breakfast down the street with Scott and Brett and i spent a lil bit over at Becca's this afternoon. All in all a very nice day. This place is starting to feel like home and the fellow ex pats are already family, i am completely at ease here and having a great time! I took pics of the sweet pad today so check them out :)

PS i hear you guys are getting snow, hehe SORRY!!!!!!!!

My 30th Birthday in Goa India (Dec 9th-Dec 12th)

What can i say about Goa India........I AM IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This place is amazing, i was completely blown away by not only its pure beauty but its layed back atmosphere! I have been to Hawaii and let me say that for a few reasons i would pick Goa India any day over Hawaii (those of you that know me know how truly in love with Hawaii i am so me saying this is BIG)...Here are my reason 1) it has the complete island lifestyle, very relaxed and easy going 2) The cost, we stayed at a resort that should have been gifted with a 5 star rating, the room, the service, and the food was all 5 star for certain...for 3 days and an all inclusive package we paid 300 usd....and by all inclusive we mean all alcohol and beverages short of diet coke which cost about a buck! The food was out of this world! 3) It had everything you could want when it comes to being on the ocean...we didnt venture to any of the famous beaches so we were not able to snorkel or scuba (but those are available in other areas)...I went parasailing for 30 usd, we went dolphin watching for 50 usd...they had jet skiing and any other watersports you wanted!

This has to be the most amazing birthday i have ever experienced! I cant say good enough things about Goa! I recieved a full body massage (that was spa quality) for 11 usd, got a henna tattoo on my foot and bought all kinds of souveniers! It has so much to offer and the average guest stays 2 weeks so our stay was unusually short....next time will be much longer!

I am back in Hyderabad, and got to go on another life risking bike ride around the city today...India is so amazing, i just cant get enough of it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Surviving the Streets of Hyderabad (Dec 8th 2008)

So today i faced death many times and i survived!!!!! LOL I have to say that driving, or rather riding here in India is not only insane with no sound logic but it is life altering! LOL Basically i like to describe it as a real life game of Frogger....that is the only way i can think to explain it! You basically have 3 categories: The big trucks and buses, the cars, and the bikes, scooters and rickshaws. At the start of this terrifying adventure i thought the big guys were the way to go since they muscled their way all over the road, nearly sandwiching us a time or two...but at the end i realized the bikes truly had the advantage, being smaller and more maneuverable they fit nearly anywhere! I have to hand it to Ryan, he handled himself like a pro out there and considering he has only been driving here for a month that is saying a lot! I chalk it up to crazy ass pilots, because these three guys, Ryan, Scott and Brett are some crazy ass pilots with a definite death wish!!!!! LOL

The Insanity of the day wore off and grew into a new excitement and feeling of adventure, i must admit that today was an absolute blast, and having survived the streets of Hyderabad on the absolute smallest vehicle on the road i feel like i can do anything!!!!! I know what you are thinking right now Sarah and you are absolutely right....I know i said there was no way, but honestly i am falling in love with this place.....India is amazing! Sure it is poverty stricken and it is completely backwards and insane, but i am loving every aspect of it....well OK one aspect of it that i am not digging so much is that due to all of the travel, the Indian food, and the questionable water i am quite certain my poor tummy will never be the same and i am just hoping that at some point i stop feeling completely bloated and stop looking about 6 months pregnant!!!! LOL

I downloaded a bunch of pictures from today's adventure and i even have a great video that i will add as soon as i find some faster net!!!! Tomorrow we head to Goa....time for some sun, sand, and tropical enjoyment!!!!!

My arrival to India (Dec 7th 2008)

So..........after 3 days, 2 hotel rooms, and 5 planes i have arrived in Hyderabad India, and let me say so far it has been an adventure!!!!!! I am exhausted, sore, and completely time retarded!!!!!! LOL
I rode in business class on my two long legs, Newark to Brussels (7 hours) and Brussels to Chennai (9.5 hours), and i must say this airline certainly knows how to treat their first class passengers!!!!! It was an experience that was I will take with me.

After touching down in Chennai I stepped off the plane only to be blown away by the heat and humidity, it was 12:30 in the morning but still at least 85 degrees and the air was thick enough to cut. Continuing through customs was much easier than i had feared, and i quickly retrieved my shit ton worth of luggage that i had so femalishly decided to travel with and headed outside where hundreds of Indians were waiting behind the ropes for there friends and family, of course Ryan was not hard to spot being the only white man in the crowd, and so i finally had arrived.

That night we drove (or were driven) through the deserted streets of Chennai to the 5 star hotel, where after entering the gates the car was inspected for bombs (thus reminding me that i was no longer in Kansas LOL) then we were sent through a metal detector by men holding big guns.....It certainly is something i wont get used to, seeing guns everywhere!

After a night of very little sleep (my time zones are all messed up being 12 hours ahead of Rapid City time) we headed back to the airport for the final flight that would take me to Hyderabad, Ryans home. Driving to the airport i finally got my first look at India....The crumbling buildings, the driving chaos, the cows on the road, all of it so alien to me but fully expected, i found it to be intriguing....a family of 4 piled on to a single motorcycle, seemed to be the choice way of travel, no traffic laws whatsoever! This place is certainly in a world of its own, and it is something i am so happy that i am getting to experience! So far the people i have met have been so friendly and me being a minority, and an obvious one at that, they seem to embrace us!

So one more time forced on an airplane and i am now in Hyderabad, which seems a bit less chaotic then Chennai, but Ryan says that is because its Sunday....I love that their are cows all over the road, and being that they are sacred animals they have not a care in the world....me on the other hand would give anything for a steak right now because other than fruit i have not eaten in 2 days....oh well, no beef for awhile i guess!

Well I am still exhausted and i slept a good part of the day but at least i am "home"....home being a very cute little villa in a gated community...marbled floors, winding staircase leading to porches and rooftop terrifs, all in all a nice place to be...In two days i will leave for Goa, and i am so excited to lay on the beach and soak up the sun :)

My adventure begins!!!!

I originally planned to blog about my life as my pilot was half a world away flying in India and i remained here back in the USA, but the plan has changed!!!! I will be joining him in India and will be blogging about OUR adventure together! Many of you have asked to be kept up to speed on my time and experiences and this is a way for all of you to have a peek into my world! Enjoy!!!! :)