Life began the day i met you....

Being a Mommy is nothing i ever imagined it to be. It is surely not easy, but it is so rewarding! I am tired, worried and worn down, but at the same time i am complete! When i hold Ella Mae in my arms she still brings tears to my eyes. When she smiles she makes everything else melt away. When she looks at me with so much love in her eyes she makes me feel like i could take on the world. When she laughs she renews my heart. When she sleeps she brings me peace. When she cries she makes me want to fix it right away. Every second with her is a second of my life to treasure! When i watch her with Ryan my heart nearly pounds out of my chest, they have such a love affair and it is exactly what i want for her! Mostly i enjoy our quiet moments together, where her and i are just near each other. I love to watch her sleep and wonder what she dreams of as she smiles. I hope she knows how loved she is and that we will never leave her.

Some days are harder than others. It can be so frustrating being a first time Mom and not having a clue if i am getting any of it right, but then she coos and i know that she is perfect and we are doing just fine. I cant believe that i have spent 9 weeks with her, and have not been away from her for more than an hour one time. I don't remember what it was like to have so much time to myself, and you know what....I would never want that life again! I love that she is the reason for all things. Yes, i will admit i am exhausted and my body has still not recovered from birth, but i just don't care about all of that. I just want her to be happy and healthy, that is what is important.

It will be nice to get home and be able to see what it is like to have a baby around family and friends who can lend a hand. Ryan and i could certainly use some "us" time since we have not had even one minute alone since her birth. He of course is my first love and always will be but she is the center of us and God of course is the center of the 3 of us.

Its funny because everyone makes parenthood look easy, but when your baby wont quit crying for no reason, or refuses to eat, or seems to be in pain you can feel worthless. I have shed many tears since her birth. I am definitely learning how to be a parent with Ella Mae as my teacher. I have failed many times, but each time she looks at me adoringly as if to say, "Its ok Mommy, you are doing just fine and i still love you." I am learning so much about myself. I have learned that patience is something i don't posses, but i am becoming patient. I am learning that i don't have faith in my abilities but my abilities are getting better each and every day. I have learned that i CAN do this on my own and that i don't need help with it at all times. Mostly i have learned that for all of my faults and shortcomings that i am a good Mommy and that Ella Mae is well taken care of. Prayer guides me through the moments when i want to scream or throw in the towel and love gets me through the rest.

Ella Mae is such an amazing baby. I know all parents say that, but she truly is. She is very easy to soothe, most of the time, and other than her refusal to sleep now and then she is very easy to care for. We have been truly blessed and we know it! Right now as i type she is next to me in her swing being lulled into dreamland with the background music of a thunderstorm at sea playing. Looking at my precious angel i just cant help but be excited to see what the future holds for her.

My life really did begin the day i met my Ella Mae!

Visa NIGHTMARE!!!!

Sleepy girl

uh-oh she has the remote!!!!

such a character!!!!

It took nearly 5 weeks to get the Indian birth certificate for Ella Mae which then caused it to take 7 weeks to get the US Passport, so i had no doubt in my mind that the Visa was going to be a pain in the butt...I HAD NO IDEA HOW BAD!!!!!

To get a visa in India you basically have to surrender your first born! First you must fly to Delhi and sit in a government office for HOURS waiting for a sealed envelope that you must then take with you to Mumbai to get your actual Visa. Normally Ryan could go to Delhi alone for this letter as they have NEVER required family to go with in the past...

Ryan was to fly out the evening of the 2nd for his appointment on the 3rd. When he got home from work on the 2nd it was about 3pm and he needed to head to the airport at 5, then his phone rang...Apparently Ella Mae and i would have to go to Delhi as well, and we had just gotten back from Pune the day before so all of her clothes and blankets were in the wash and i only had an hour to get us packed up! I was not happy, Ella Mae has a cold and has not been feeling well and now she was going to have to travel again! Somehow i managed to get everything packed and ready and we headed off for Delhi.

The next day was the recorded highest low in Delhi in over 10 years...mid day it reached a soaring 44C that would be 109F. Ella Mae started out ok, as the first office we had to wait in had a great AC that i sat down directly in front of. Then we moved on to the next office and to my dismay there were no working AC's. Trying to keep her hydrated i breastfed in a nasty bathroom as the waiting room was packed full of people and there was no place else for me to feed her. Then i continually drenched a washcloth with water and placed it on her head holding her under a fan. This was doing nothing to help her as she became more and more lethargic from heat exhaustion...That was when Mommy LOST it.

I started getting frantic and told Ryan to do something or his baby was going to be in real danger. "Helpful" on lookers tried to make useless suggestions but the fact of the matter was we needed AC and we needed it NOW!!! I was so upset, and completely terrified for my infant that i told Ryan i was leaving Visa or no Visa, that they couldn't make me stay and that i wouldn't risk her health anymore. FINALLY my upset caught on to our liaison and he hurried us to our caseworker who announced that there was no need for us to stay, that all was in order and we could go. I came to find out that we should not have been made to come with in the first place as they required nothing from Ella Mae or myself.

Back in the AC car Ella Mae cooled down and perked up. I was so relieved thinking we would be home soon since our flight left in about 3 hours, but when Ryan called to check on loads we were hit with another blow...Not only was our flight overbooked, but so was the flights for the next day. There was no way for us to get home! ~Anyone who is jealous of flight "perks" of pilots and families needs to get over that really quick, there is a reason why i buy most of my tickets, Standby SUCKS~

So now we were stuck in Delhi, which i had last minute packed for and only had one change of clothes which i was wearing. We barely had enough diapers and our baby girl had had enough and wanted to go home. Fortunately the next day a supervisor heard our plight and managed to get us on the early flight and we made it home by Friday. The worst part of this was that now we had to fly to Mumbai on Sunday. Talk about NO break in between these hard days.

Sunday came and i felt much more prepared as i had packed the day before. Then about 3 hours before we needed to leave for the airport i noticed that Ella Mae had an infected ingrown fingernail. I called the hospital and they said they needed to see her. I explained that my flight left in 3 hours and i needed to be seen ASAP. Saleem hurried to pick me up and got me to the hospital right away, and i was so pleased to find that the Doctor was waiting for us. He quickly looked it over and gave me instructions and sent us on our way. Normally a trip to the hospital takes us about 3 hours, so this was amazing. We made it home in time and headed to the airport.

Monday morning we started early as it would be another long day in a government office. I just prayed they had AC. We went to pick up the sealed envelope before heading to the FRRO and then found out if had FRRO Hyderabad on it instead of FRRO Mumbai. So now we had a big problem. They told us they could have the right letter back by Wednesday, which would require us to fly home and then come back in a day. Ryan said NO WAY! Fortunately the man working with us brought our situation to the Chief pilot and explained that we were traveling with an infant and to fly back to Hyderabad Monday and then back to Mumbai on Wednesday would be too much. He agreed so we were put up in the hotel to wait for the letter to come back.

Yet again i had only packed for a day trip so we had no extra clothes (Ella Mae had plenty) for Ryan or myself and we were certainly going to run out of diapers. We went out that evening in search of diapers on the street side vendors and fortunately found some. Tuesday was spent hanging out in the hotel room because it was too hot outside for Ella Mae. By that evening she was getting restless and bored and so were we.

Wednesday came and we headed again to the FRRO. When we arrived to my dismay yet again there was no place to nurse and the waiting room was hot, although they did have a working AC. Ryan had to register on the computer so he was no help and then Ella Mae had a meltdown. I think she was over heated but i am not sure what set it off. She screamed and screamed and there was nothing i could do to console her. The entire room of course was staring at us. I moved in front of the AC to see if that would calm her down but she had HAD it! Finally a very nice woman from Africa took Ella Mae from me, yes took, and Ella Mae now being in a strangers arms was immediately quiet. The woman bounced her for nearly 15 minutes until she had to go into the office and then she passed Ella Mae onto her daughter i assume. It was wonderful to have a break for a moment so i could re collect myself, plus these women were obviously experienced mothers. By the time they returned Ella Mae to me she was calm and asleep, still very hot, but calm. I held her under the AC for nearly and hour and when she woke up i fed her a bottle (thank goodness i had pumped before we left).

Due to the fact that we had an infant with us they rushed our applications, yet again i have no idea why Ella Mae and i had to come because Ryan did everything and we never left the waiting room. It only took a bribe and 2 hours and we were on our way. Ella Mae had her visa and so did Ryan. They were not able to extend mine because it doesn't expire soon enough (they require it to be within 2 weeks of expiration and we were 3 days to early), but i will get it back in the USA.

When we reached the airport we were told that the rest of the flights were over booked, so yet again we may not make it home. All i could do was laugh, what else could go wrong! 10 minutes before departure they had 1 remaining seat and so we had to rush through security to make the flight. Ryan was going to have to ride in the cockpit, but another pilot who was also on a STA saw that i had an infant and offered Ryan his seat so we could be together.

All in all it ended well, we have visas and our bags arrived eventually. I feel bad for miss Ella Mae as her cold is still hanging on and her sleep schedule is all messed up from the travel. Now we leave for America in less than a week and it cant come fast enough, we are ready to go home!!!!