I believe that time has virtually stopped over here in India. The heat has returned as this monsoon has turned out to be something of a non event at least here in Hyderabad, although it seems Mumbai is getting hammered (glad its not us, i am not a big fan of walking around in sewage water). I was hoping that we would see longer relief from the heat, but these last few days have been nearing 90 so i guess that is just the way it goes. I prefer the heat to the cold but i was enjoying the mid 70's to low 80's quite a bit!
Ryan and i have been trying to pass the time in any way that we can, we have now seen Harry Potter 2 times, Star Trek 2 times, Transformers 2 times, Terminator 2 times, Wolverine, Night at the Museum and Ice age 3...There are no more movies for us to see so now we will have to come up with something new to do. Only 4 more days until my Dr appointment and i am growing anxious (mostly excited) and hoping they will do an ultrasound, so maybe i can catch a first glimpse of our baby/babies!
Ryan is in Pune right now, i have not got to go with him at all this rotation and i really do miss laying pool side and relaxing, but honestly i doubt anyone would want to see me in a bikini right now. These hormones keep me blown up like a balloon although no significant weight gain yet which is good because i am sure i will pack on plenty during pregnancy!
Not much more to say, except i am missing everyone like crazy and Ryan and i would have been coming home in just 3 short weeks, but the Dr says no so home will have to wait!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
The suspense is killing me!!!!!
I have 8 whole days left before my pregnancy test, and i have to say this is going to be the longest 8 days of my life! There are some weird things going on with my body, but hard to decipher if they pregnancy signs since just about anything can be a sign of pregnancy! Generally i just have a "sense" that i am pregnant, i feel like i am, so i guess for now i will just have to be patient to wait and see! Besides Ryan and i truly enjoy talking to the belly, they even tell me to do things now LOL!
Monday, July 27, 2009
The old bait and switch
I have seen a lot of wild things here in India, some very cool, some disturbing, some funny, and some just downright off the wall....Today i witnessed something only out of the movies normally involving CIA and someone very important!
We were getting the bike ready to head home from Prasads Imax when i noticed a white car (normally used for official use) but had a regular license had pulled over. The windows were darkly tinted and man got out of the vehicle with an automatic weapon of some sort and stood at the rear of the vehicle...Im thinking "well, you don't see a plain clothed individual holding an automatic weapon every day" now my curiosity was spiked! Then it all became clear as another white unmarked vehicle pulled up and the guy with the gun escorted a man out of his vehicle and then into the new vehicle, then as quickly as it happened the cars drove away! This man must have been of some importance as he was not only being heavily guarded but also being switched vehicles......I guess i will never know who he was, but yet again another example of the wild things you can see in every day to day life here in India! I love it!!!!!
We were getting the bike ready to head home from Prasads Imax when i noticed a white car (normally used for official use) but had a regular license had pulled over. The windows were darkly tinted and man got out of the vehicle with an automatic weapon of some sort and stood at the rear of the vehicle...Im thinking "well, you don't see a plain clothed individual holding an automatic weapon every day" now my curiosity was spiked! Then it all became clear as another white unmarked vehicle pulled up and the guy with the gun escorted a man out of his vehicle and then into the new vehicle, then as quickly as it happened the cars drove away! This man must have been of some importance as he was not only being heavily guarded but also being switched vehicles......I guess i will never know who he was, but yet again another example of the wild things you can see in every day to day life here in India! I love it!!!!!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
My little embryos
Well since i cant sleep i suppose i will update you all now! Sleep has not been my friend for the last few weeks and i am growing a bit weary from lack of, but nothing i can do about it now! :~)
My last few days were actually quite stress free for me...I arrived at the clinic midday on Friday, they checked me into my suite (which was basically a 2 star kitchenette, but here in India very nice for a hospital room!) I got settled in and then had to report to the 3rd floor at 3, i had been told that my IVF would be at 4 for basically i sat in a room for over an hour! I believe they had 3 implantation's that night and all of us were gathered together in the room. The other women were surrounded by family and i must admit i was a bit jealous, but it made no difference as Ryan would not be allowed in the surgical room anyways! At 4 they took me back and prepped me, and i must say i was impressed with their op sterilization standards. They brought me into the room just after they wheeled the other woman out, and we both exchanged that terrified look (LOL). The op room was right next to the cryo chamber so that the embryos stayed there until just the moment they were ready to implant. My Dr came in and told me that she had just looked at them and that they were perfect and asked if she could implant them all since Ryan and i had expressed wanting twins, and i said yes (there was no way I was going to let them not give me all of my embryos)...Its funny, because i was so very nervous, but as they worked on getting me ready they told me that now most important was that i relaxed and although i was in a strange place with 5 women in a room with me speaking Hindi, I prayed that God be with me to bring me comfort and courage and INSTANTLY a wave of calm washed over me! I have never experienced anything like that before...I was Calm while going through the biggest thing in my life. The procedure took maybe 5 minutes and although it was uncomfortable it was definitely bearable and TOTALLY worth it....So at 4:25 (there was a clock on the wall) my 6 little embryos were implanted! The took me up to my room immediately following and i was instructed to lay flat for the next 2 hours! It was the longest 2 hours of my life, but just for good measure i didn't get up for 3, funny how something as simple as being upright can become scary, all i could think of was y little embryos being pulled away by gravity! I must admit that to pass some of the time that i did talk to them, yes i know, but when you are in a room alone flat on your back for 2 hours and there is no one to talk to, well embryos will do just fine for company!
They took excellent care of me and i was watched over by a beautiful girl named Jennifer who worked there. She came up and sat with me a few times a day and even stopped by after her shift to see how i was. It was awesome to have her there, because i must admit being on bed rest alone is no fun, but i had her and the Gilmore Girls (thanks Sarah) to keep me company! I also have to say that God really does provide everything you could need, he gave me calm, he gave me company (might i add that she is the first Catholic Indian i have met, out of all the Hindus and Muslims God gave me Christian company) and he provided all that i needed for my time there that i was worried about! Our roommates were so very sweet and came to visit me Saturday night and brought me food and snacks! It was awesome of them and it really made my night! Ryan got to the hospital early Sunday morning and it was such a relief that he could be there with me, then i didn't have to talk to the belly alone hehe.
All in all an amazing experience! I continue my lovely shots every day for the next month and although it appears i will not have to also take estrogen shots at least not yet, so my poor rear may recover someday...I tell you what, i never knew butt muscles could be so sore from doing nothing at all! My pregnancy test is on the 5th of August so i will let you know as soon as i know, but i still stand firm in what i feel God telling me, I AM PREGNANT!
Thank you for your love and continued prayers, you were all with me this weekend! I don't know what i am feeling right now, honestly some minutes i am so happy that i start crying and others i feel like nothing has changed and i think a little wall of protection goes up around my heart...My emotions are all over the place, but after the 5th everything will be certain and i think that will make it easier for me!
My last few days were actually quite stress free for me...I arrived at the clinic midday on Friday, they checked me into my suite (which was basically a 2 star kitchenette, but here in India very nice for a hospital room!) I got settled in and then had to report to the 3rd floor at 3, i had been told that my IVF would be at 4 for basically i sat in a room for over an hour! I believe they had 3 implantation's that night and all of us were gathered together in the room. The other women were surrounded by family and i must admit i was a bit jealous, but it made no difference as Ryan would not be allowed in the surgical room anyways! At 4 they took me back and prepped me, and i must say i was impressed with their op sterilization standards. They brought me into the room just after they wheeled the other woman out, and we both exchanged that terrified look (LOL). The op room was right next to the cryo chamber so that the embryos stayed there until just the moment they were ready to implant. My Dr came in and told me that she had just looked at them and that they were perfect and asked if she could implant them all since Ryan and i had expressed wanting twins, and i said yes (there was no way I was going to let them not give me all of my embryos)...Its funny, because i was so very nervous, but as they worked on getting me ready they told me that now most important was that i relaxed and although i was in a strange place with 5 women in a room with me speaking Hindi, I prayed that God be with me to bring me comfort and courage and INSTANTLY a wave of calm washed over me! I have never experienced anything like that before...I was Calm while going through the biggest thing in my life. The procedure took maybe 5 minutes and although it was uncomfortable it was definitely bearable and TOTALLY worth it....So at 4:25 (there was a clock on the wall) my 6 little embryos were implanted! The took me up to my room immediately following and i was instructed to lay flat for the next 2 hours! It was the longest 2 hours of my life, but just for good measure i didn't get up for 3, funny how something as simple as being upright can become scary, all i could think of was y little embryos being pulled away by gravity! I must admit that to pass some of the time that i did talk to them, yes i know, but when you are in a room alone flat on your back for 2 hours and there is no one to talk to, well embryos will do just fine for company!
They took excellent care of me and i was watched over by a beautiful girl named Jennifer who worked there. She came up and sat with me a few times a day and even stopped by after her shift to see how i was. It was awesome to have her there, because i must admit being on bed rest alone is no fun, but i had her and the Gilmore Girls (thanks Sarah) to keep me company! I also have to say that God really does provide everything you could need, he gave me calm, he gave me company (might i add that she is the first Catholic Indian i have met, out of all the Hindus and Muslims God gave me Christian company) and he provided all that i needed for my time there that i was worried about! Our roommates were so very sweet and came to visit me Saturday night and brought me food and snacks! It was awesome of them and it really made my night! Ryan got to the hospital early Sunday morning and it was such a relief that he could be there with me, then i didn't have to talk to the belly alone hehe.
All in all an amazing experience! I continue my lovely shots every day for the next month and although it appears i will not have to also take estrogen shots at least not yet, so my poor rear may recover someday...I tell you what, i never knew butt muscles could be so sore from doing nothing at all! My pregnancy test is on the 5th of August so i will let you know as soon as i know, but i still stand firm in what i feel God telling me, I AM PREGNANT!
Thank you for your love and continued prayers, you were all with me this weekend! I don't know what i am feeling right now, honestly some minutes i am so happy that i start crying and others i feel like nothing has changed and i think a little wall of protection goes up around my heart...My emotions are all over the place, but after the 5th everything will be certain and i think that will make it easier for me!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
The next time we meet
In a few short hours i leave for the clinic to be impregnated with my embryo's....Words cant describe all of the emotions i am feeling right now....love for a child i have not met, adoration for a man who has been by my side through all things, overwhelming gratefulness to God who chose to bless us with this gift. There are so very many thoughts and emotions that barely scrapes the surface. I am nervous, mostly of the unknown but i do not fear the outcome of this IVF...Today i get to take over the care and nurture of my child, a gift i will not take for granted! Final thought.....Please God, let those little embryo's hold on tight!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
The day has been chosen!!!!!!!!!!
Today was a nice day for Ryan and i...we had a slow start to our day then a nice lunch at Mamu, which was actually very good, and then went to see Star Trek! What a fantastic movie, and Dad i have to tell you that it really reminded me of those Saturday nights long ago when you and i watched Start Trek together religiously, i even started to get teary eyed thinking of those days so long ago! So after the movie we decided to go to the fertility clinic and pay off our remaining balance since we were on that side of town (the credit card machine was not working last time we were there).
I expected it to be a quick in and out (will i ever learn), but when we walked in one of our regular nurses responded "you need a blood draw and scan" and i said "you guys said you would call when it was time, i just came to pay, we haven't been called yet." HAHAHAHAHAHAHA So she got on the phone talked to Dr Rama i assume and said, they were supposed to call you, turned to the receptionist and said blood draw and scan....So we did as told, still in shock the whole time...When i walked into the office today i expected to just pay, not be having an appointment, this whole thing was getting REAL all of a sudden!
At the end of my blood draw and scan they sat us in the Drs office after a few of them conferenced over my scan and we were then explained that i am ready and so is my donor....I WILL BE IMPLANTED FRIDAY AFTERNOON OR EVENING!!!!!!!! These words brought on so very many emotions for me as the Dr smiled across the table explaining all of the medications i was to be now taking and giving me instructions on the injections that will begin tomorrow. I am so excited, and i and so very thankful to God! My heart is a bit saddened as all of this will take place while Ryan is in Pune (he fly's all day Friday and sleeps in Pune Friday night, he will not be back to Hyderabad until Sunday when i will be ready to come home). Although he would not be allowed in the room for the IVF anyways, i know that both of us are a bit sad that he will be absent for the whole stay, as he wanted to keep me company, but you know what, that is life and God will take care of me and our babies :)
I just wanted to let you all know what is happening! Please please keep praying, i am becoming some what overwhelmed by all of these emotions and must admit i am a bit fearful on doing this without Ryan by my side, but God will not leave me so i am not alone!
I expected it to be a quick in and out (will i ever learn), but when we walked in one of our regular nurses responded "you need a blood draw and scan" and i said "you guys said you would call when it was time, i just came to pay, we haven't been called yet." HAHAHAHAHAHAHA So she got on the phone talked to Dr Rama i assume and said, they were supposed to call you, turned to the receptionist and said blood draw and scan....So we did as told, still in shock the whole time...When i walked into the office today i expected to just pay, not be having an appointment, this whole thing was getting REAL all of a sudden!
At the end of my blood draw and scan they sat us in the Drs office after a few of them conferenced over my scan and we were then explained that i am ready and so is my donor....I WILL BE IMPLANTED FRIDAY AFTERNOON OR EVENING!!!!!!!! These words brought on so very many emotions for me as the Dr smiled across the table explaining all of the medications i was to be now taking and giving me instructions on the injections that will begin tomorrow. I am so excited, and i and so very thankful to God! My heart is a bit saddened as all of this will take place while Ryan is in Pune (he fly's all day Friday and sleeps in Pune Friday night, he will not be back to Hyderabad until Sunday when i will be ready to come home). Although he would not be allowed in the room for the IVF anyways, i know that both of us are a bit sad that he will be absent for the whole stay, as he wanted to keep me company, but you know what, that is life and God will take care of me and our babies :)
I just wanted to let you all know what is happening! Please please keep praying, i am becoming some what overwhelmed by all of these emotions and must admit i am a bit fearful on doing this without Ryan by my side, but God will not leave me so i am not alone!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
So Proud
I don't talk much about my family, mostly because i write this to keep my family and friends up to date with all that is going on in my life over in India, but today i want to write about something a little different.
Ryan and i are so very blessed in our families, we both have amazing parents, brothers and sisters (i have 3 gorgeous sisters, and Ryan has 2 amazing brothers and one very free spirited and fun loving sister).
I have the strongest mother that walks the planet, she has suffered more than anyone i know and yet maintains unfailing faith in God endlessly, she is an inspiration and a role model for me every day. She is so loving and kind and i miss her daily. My Dad is amazing man and has taught me so much about life and regardless of my many mistakes along the way has always stood by me! I still am a daddies girl to this very day!
My sisters, wow, what an amazing bunch! Kris, who is my best friend and complete partner in crime has been such a big part of my life for so long. She and i have been through some great times and some really hard times, but none the less we never back down from helping each other. We can say what needs to be said even if it hurts and we know that we are just trying to help each other. She became a mother young but has overcome so much and i am so proud of her in her continuing on towards her goals. Kristin's son Isaiah has got to be the sweetest boy, sometimes the things of affection that he says can just knock you on your butt as his heart is so sweet and so kind. I cant believe what a wonderfully handsome young man he is growing up to be (inside and out), to me he is still a little guy, but he is growing up so fast! Kim, reminds me most of my mother, she is an amazing woman and seeing her with her family is very inspiring for me. She has such a kind and very open heart, and would do anything for those she loves. She has raised 2 gorgeous girls, Kaeley and Emily, they are so graceful and beautiful. Both so very unique but certainly i can see in them Kristin and myself, Kaeley is most like me when i was younger and Emily like Kris...I truly enjoyed spending time with them, even though it was very short, this summer and i cant wait to get back. Kim's husband Johnny is a great man! He is a very strong and dedicated father and husband, although he seems soft spoken he truly has much to say and i admire him in his choice of education. Julie, well she is the sister that holds the "sisterhood" together, she is brilliant and she is the one who when you need to hear something but don't want to she will tell it to you like it is. She is a graceful woman full of strength and I truly admire her. She has raised two amazing sons Kaden and Kory, These boys are just plain adorable! I regret that i have spent the least amount of time with Kaden and Kory as the last time i saw Kory he was an infant, but they are growing so fast and i enjoyed spending time with them as they are very affectionate and sweet. I cant wait to see what these two Blondie's get into next and to watch them grow into the amazing young men they are going to be, Julie has got her hands full with 2 boys a year apart. Her husband Joel is very fun to be around, and has a great sense of humor! Next time he works on the set of an Evanescence video i would like a souvenier though LOL.
I have got the greatest mother in law, she is so very supportive and open about all things. If she has something to say she is going to say it and i applaud her honesty and openness. I enjoy that since Ryan left for India that her and i have communicated more and more and i cant wait to get to know her better. Jane you are a strong independent woman and i need to say thank you for raising such an amazing man. I know you are so very proud of him and as you should be, he is an outstanding pilot, the best husband any woman could ask for and will be the greatest loving father. I just want you to know that you raised a great man, actually you raised 3 amazing men and one AMAZING daughter!
There are so many other family members to name, but honestly Ryan knows his brothers and sister best, all i can say is that Sarah's smile and good nature is certainly contagious and i love being near her, she is a ray of sunshine. Jordan is making his way into this world and following his dream and we are so proud of him and he continues on towards his goals. Matt, sadly i know him least of all, but he seems to be a great man, kind and dedicated to his wife.
I attached this picture, because these are all of our nieces and nephews and this picture was taken just a week ago...When i saw it i cried, because sometimes i forget that these little people grow into such amazing big people and that if you aren't looking you can miss it! I am biased, yes, but i have the most handsome and adorable little nieces and nephews on the planet, and i hope very soon we will be adding a cousin or two for them, to make this photo complete....The greatest part about that is i know that Isaiah, Kaeley, Emily, Kaden, and Kory will all welcome their new cousins with open arms!
We love you all!!!! There are aunts and uncles and cousins i didn't name(simply because that would take forever), but we love and appreciate you all!!!!
Monday, July 20, 2009
Ryan and Reno
This morning when i woke up Reno was sitting quietly in the living room playing with the little toys that we get from our Kinder Joy candy. He is such a good boy and seems to be very good about keeping a low profile when he comes with his mom to work. He has been visiting every weekend hoping to get to see Ryan (Ryan is pretty much his favorite person on the planet) but Ryan has been in Pune every weekend since we have been back. Today i started up the Wii for him, and he played alone for a bit. I will really miss him when we leave this place, he has become a very big part of our "India experience" for a lack of better way to put it!
I feel completely jittery at all time right now, and although we kept busy today my stomach wouldn't stop doing summer salts....I am just anxiously waiting for that phone call, and you know what they say about watching the kettle, well the water seemingly is never going to boil! LOL
When we got home Reno was playing in the neighborhood with his mom and when he saw Ryan that was it...He ran over to us and announced he was coming over to the house, so Ryan and Reno played on the Wii for about an hour before his mom came to take him home. It is so funny when he is here playing and she comes to get him because he begs her to let him stay just a bit longer and then they argue in Telugu before, finally, Ryan tells him that it is time to go...Then he normally forfeits the arguing and heads home, Ryan always receives a thankful smile from his mom for his help!
It is raining again, and our power has been in and out all day, but that is life during the monsoon so i wont complain. I miss my family and friends right now a lot, but i cant deny that being away from everyone has strengthened the bond that Ryan and i have...I have learned to depend on him completely and he has become, well basically, my world....I never thought i would love someone as much as i love him, never dreamed that i would let someone this far into my heart again after my divorce....But the truth is that Ryan is more to me than anyone ever has been or ever will be....the wall has finally come down, i have given him all i have.....I am so happy that i came to India, this has changed me forever, in my marriage and in my faith!
I feel completely jittery at all time right now, and although we kept busy today my stomach wouldn't stop doing summer salts....I am just anxiously waiting for that phone call, and you know what they say about watching the kettle, well the water seemingly is never going to boil! LOL
When we got home Reno was playing in the neighborhood with his mom and when he saw Ryan that was it...He ran over to us and announced he was coming over to the house, so Ryan and Reno played on the Wii for about an hour before his mom came to take him home. It is so funny when he is here playing and she comes to get him because he begs her to let him stay just a bit longer and then they argue in Telugu before, finally, Ryan tells him that it is time to go...Then he normally forfeits the arguing and heads home, Ryan always receives a thankful smile from his mom for his help!
It is raining again, and our power has been in and out all day, but that is life during the monsoon so i wont complain. I miss my family and friends right now a lot, but i cant deny that being away from everyone has strengthened the bond that Ryan and i have...I have learned to depend on him completely and he has become, well basically, my world....I never thought i would love someone as much as i love him, never dreamed that i would let someone this far into my heart again after my divorce....But the truth is that Ryan is more to me than anyone ever has been or ever will be....the wall has finally come down, i have given him all i have.....I am so happy that i came to India, this has changed me forever, in my marriage and in my faith!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
So much on my mind
I have found that i best express what my day at the fertility clinic has been like in the email i send to close friends and family....So instead of trying to re-write all that is going through my mind i am just going to paste the email....
Today just goes down in the books as another truly amazing day to me! At some point i think i am going to wake up from this dream!!! So today was to check my estrogen level and the thickness of my lining, and wouldn't you know it, she says my levels are PERFECT for implantation...I don't know how much more evidence would be needed to prove how truly amazing God is, not that i need any convincing, as far as i am concerned this pregnancy will be accomplished by God alone! All of you know me and know my physical history, so please absorb what i am saying....i create NO hormones of my own and yet i am on some crazy Indian drugs and stopped my American hormone therapy 10 days ago and MY estrogen level and my lining is PERFECT and she said i am ready to implant! Maybe i am getting a bit more excited than anyone else would, but WOW! So now we are "on call" waiting for my donors eggs to be ready for harvest. They froze Ryan's sperm in case he is not in Hyderabad when they call, and they told me they will call me in the next 5 to 7 days, then i will come in and start progesterone shots for 2 days and the 3rd day is the magic day! I also asked about my 4 day stay, and (praise God) she said they will only need to keep me for 48 hours!
I cant explain what i am feeling right now, my heart is ready for this baby/babies, i am already in love with "them"....my body is ready, and as soon as i can wrap my mind around this...well i guess i will be ready! I find myself crying just at the thought of this, i am going to be a mommy...i cant believe this is happening to us! I certainly don't deserve this blessing from God, but he is giving us such an amazing gift! Thank you all for your continued prayers, they are needed and appreciated!
Love
Karen and Ryan
Today just goes down in the books as another truly amazing day to me! At some point i think i am going to wake up from this dream!!! So today was to check my estrogen level and the thickness of my lining, and wouldn't you know it, she says my levels are PERFECT for implantation...I don't know how much more evidence would be needed to prove how truly amazing God is, not that i need any convincing, as far as i am concerned this pregnancy will be accomplished by God alone! All of you know me and know my physical history, so please absorb what i am saying....i create NO hormones of my own and yet i am on some crazy Indian drugs and stopped my American hormone therapy 10 days ago and MY estrogen level and my lining is PERFECT and she said i am ready to implant! Maybe i am getting a bit more excited than anyone else would, but WOW! So now we are "on call" waiting for my donors eggs to be ready for harvest. They froze Ryan's sperm in case he is not in Hyderabad when they call, and they told me they will call me in the next 5 to 7 days, then i will come in and start progesterone shots for 2 days and the 3rd day is the magic day! I also asked about my 4 day stay, and (praise God) she said they will only need to keep me for 48 hours!
I cant explain what i am feeling right now, my heart is ready for this baby/babies, i am already in love with "them"....my body is ready, and as soon as i can wrap my mind around this...well i guess i will be ready! I find myself crying just at the thought of this, i am going to be a mommy...i cant believe this is happening to us! I certainly don't deserve this blessing from God, but he is giving us such an amazing gift! Thank you all for your continued prayers, they are needed and appreciated!
Love
Karen and Ryan
Friday, July 17, 2009
Not much to say
God is good!!!!! Yesterday and today i have not had a headache nor has my indigestion been unbearable! It is so nice to finally get some relief from it, and i slept last night with the help of Ambien, so i am feeling somewhat refreshed!
Ryan is doing his regular weekend Pune trip so i wont have him back for a few days, but i think maybe i will be a bum this weekend and just get some rest before we start the Dr appointments on Sunday because after that i have no idea what is in store for us.
I am excited and nervous of all the things to come, but mostly just hopeful and anxious that by this time next week i could actually be pregnant, unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ryan is doing his regular weekend Pune trip so i wont have him back for a few days, but i think maybe i will be a bum this weekend and just get some rest before we start the Dr appointments on Sunday because after that i have no idea what is in store for us.
I am excited and nervous of all the things to come, but mostly just hopeful and anxious that by this time next week i could actually be pregnant, unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Its a lifestyle
Its funny when you think of where your life has taken you and why...If you had asked me 3 years ago if i would be married to a pilot and living in India i would have laughed at you, heck i would have told you were insane. My life has rarely taken the path that i had planned or gone in the direction of my choosing, but i am starting to think that i like this little diversion of the simple life i was used to. I have learned so much and grown even more, i have found faith and love in areas of my life i have never imagined. There are a lot of very lonely times and Ryan is getting ready to leave on his overnight again, still cracks me up that 48 hours apart seems like an eternity when i used to go months, but i guess the needs of the heart change. I will miss him and more than likely i will pout most of tomorrow but in the end it is just anther day of being married to an expat pilot and i wouldn't change a thing! My dear friend, another expat pilots wife living here in India sent me a letter the other day when i was struggling and her words really made me think (I hope you don't mind but i am going to post your email because it really touched me)
~Crap I feel like I am totally missing out. I would be pretty anxious if I were you too, isn't this crazy that this is happening. Sometimes I forget that we just dropped everything to be with our men and now we are embarking on parenthood. Anyway, please keep me posted and if you feel like venting make sure you send some of the heat waves my way. Right now is probably going to be a tough time for you and Ryan. So in those times that you just need to let it out. Send me a message. I am thinking of you guys and wishing you the best. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!~
This letter reminded me that this is a crazy journey and that the friends that we met in the last year have become life supports and that these things we share will leave us with a lifetime connection.....I am so grateful for this amazing woman who is braving pregnancy here and whose support and understanding has given me courage to go through this IVF. I have amazing friends and family back home (without them i wouldnt be where i am today), but wouldn't you know that God also provided amazing friends and family here.....What a journey, what a blessing!
~Crap I feel like I am totally missing out. I would be pretty anxious if I were you too, isn't this crazy that this is happening. Sometimes I forget that we just dropped everything to be with our men and now we are embarking on parenthood. Anyway, please keep me posted and if you feel like venting make sure you send some of the heat waves my way. Right now is probably going to be a tough time for you and Ryan. So in those times that you just need to let it out. Send me a message. I am thinking of you guys and wishing you the best. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!~
This letter reminded me that this is a crazy journey and that the friends that we met in the last year have become life supports and that these things we share will leave us with a lifetime connection.....I am so grateful for this amazing woman who is braving pregnancy here and whose support and understanding has given me courage to go through this IVF. I have amazing friends and family back home (without them i wouldnt be where i am today), but wouldn't you know that God also provided amazing friends and family here.....What a journey, what a blessing!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Did you know.....
I love statements that start with "did you know," because it calls for attention as you expect what is to follow is going to be informative and factual....well i have nothing to say that is factual, but it will be informative as it is my opinion, hehe....
Did you know that some days i wake up and forget where i am, i actually forget that i am living in a 3rd world country, i forget that i have just about no luxuries of 1st world living and that today i will have half a dozen people try to communicate with me in a language that i do not understand even a bit, my cell phone will receive at least a dozen texts offering me all kinds of wonderful cell phone minute deals and astrological readings, i will get at least 3 phone calls that are pre recorded in Hindi, i will nod and pretend like i understand what is transpiring around me.
Did you know that getting caught in the rain here is nothing like getting caught in the "normal" rain, but is still fun none the less, (and even better, i might add, when you are listening to your ipod and "Escape" the pina colada song is playing while you are on a bike in the middle of the monsoon rain). So you just hold on and enjoy that you are being splashed with all sorts of filth and the puddles are not filled with actual water but more of a random array of gross trash and run off sewage!
Did you know that on a random day of driving, you will more than likely get in a few near death collisions, will most likely run into a herd of animals or share the roads with a camel or two, you will find yourself referring to your bike or scooter as the "car", as in "honey, do you want me to wait at the car." You will find yourself laughing at the world as it passes by as you fly through the city weaving in and out of buses and cars. You will see families of 4 and possibly 5 on a single bike and if you are lucky may see up to 14 adults packed into an SUV.
Did you know that you can actually live in India and NEVER see a cobra, or a snake charmer with a cobra for that matter, don't believe the hype...it is not as common as they make it seem! If you want to see monkeys go to Dehli, if you want to see elephants go to the red light district in Bangkok, but on the average streets in India you will see cows, goats, and an occasional camel.
Did you know that cultural differences, once you understand them, are not nearly as strange as they seem...The constant honking on the road starts to make sense as you realize that it is not mindless noise, but announcing where you are so that others don't hit you...That some cultures do not believe in the personal bubble so it is not worth freaking out over when you have someone basically sit on top of you when there are plenty of other places to sit because they want to see what you are doing on your computer....That even if someone doesn't understand you and you them that if they want to help you they will find a way to understand...That we as the human race are never satisfied, in the USA we put bronzer in a lot of our skin products because we desire darker skin and here they put fairness cream in everything because they want white skin...
But most of all....Did you know, that any place can become home when you are with someone that you love, and if you have amazing friends that support you where ever you are. I love that i got to experience this, for all of its quirks, India is amazing and i am so lucky to get t do this!!!!
Did you know that some days i wake up and forget where i am, i actually forget that i am living in a 3rd world country, i forget that i have just about no luxuries of 1st world living and that today i will have half a dozen people try to communicate with me in a language that i do not understand even a bit, my cell phone will receive at least a dozen texts offering me all kinds of wonderful cell phone minute deals and astrological readings, i will get at least 3 phone calls that are pre recorded in Hindi, i will nod and pretend like i understand what is transpiring around me.
Did you know that getting caught in the rain here is nothing like getting caught in the "normal" rain, but is still fun none the less, (and even better, i might add, when you are listening to your ipod and "Escape" the pina colada song is playing while you are on a bike in the middle of the monsoon rain). So you just hold on and enjoy that you are being splashed with all sorts of filth and the puddles are not filled with actual water but more of a random array of gross trash and run off sewage!
Did you know that on a random day of driving, you will more than likely get in a few near death collisions, will most likely run into a herd of animals or share the roads with a camel or two, you will find yourself referring to your bike or scooter as the "car", as in "honey, do you want me to wait at the car." You will find yourself laughing at the world as it passes by as you fly through the city weaving in and out of buses and cars. You will see families of 4 and possibly 5 on a single bike and if you are lucky may see up to 14 adults packed into an SUV.
Did you know that you can actually live in India and NEVER see a cobra, or a snake charmer with a cobra for that matter, don't believe the hype...it is not as common as they make it seem! If you want to see monkeys go to Dehli, if you want to see elephants go to the red light district in Bangkok, but on the average streets in India you will see cows, goats, and an occasional camel.
Did you know that cultural differences, once you understand them, are not nearly as strange as they seem...The constant honking on the road starts to make sense as you realize that it is not mindless noise, but announcing where you are so that others don't hit you...That some cultures do not believe in the personal bubble so it is not worth freaking out over when you have someone basically sit on top of you when there are plenty of other places to sit because they want to see what you are doing on your computer....That even if someone doesn't understand you and you them that if they want to help you they will find a way to understand...That we as the human race are never satisfied, in the USA we put bronzer in a lot of our skin products because we desire darker skin and here they put fairness cream in everything because they want white skin...
But most of all....Did you know, that any place can become home when you are with someone that you love, and if you have amazing friends that support you where ever you are. I love that i got to experience this, for all of its quirks, India is amazing and i am so lucky to get t do this!!!!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Surrender
This week has been dragging on and i know that it is only because as the big day approaches my nerves get more and more stacked! I have been nauseous since i started the fertility drugs as well as constantly plagued with headaches and have not been able to sleep without taking a sleep aid for the last few nights. I am exhausted and super moody, but today as i was taking a shower and pouring my heart out to God, he asked me to give it to him....My headache is gone and i am no longer nauseous, I have come to see that anything to take away from the joy of all that is going on in my life would make satan's day, and so NO MORE!
Let me share a little with you that i know of Gods promise, I have no fear when it comes to this implantation, and i am so sure of Gods promise of this conception that i am willing to put it out there publicly. I don't believe that it is going to take 2 or 3 times, i believe that by the grace of God that we will be pregnant at try number one. Think what you like, and wait patiently for me to eat my words, but i am completely faithful of this!
I have found more faith and structure in my belief of God over these last few months, although raised in a strong Christian home i strayed far during my younger adult years, but now have found my way home. I have done a lot of wrong things and made many mistakes, but i will no longer question Gods authority, he can do miraculous things that we never imagined if we just simply believe...funny that the only thing holding us back from his miracles is ourselves and our faith.....i am learning that first hand, i lost faith a long time ago in his promise for me to have a baby and i have no doubt the reason i am only just now coming to the "baby" point in my life is because i refused to give it to him and believe in his miracle....Not anymore, i believe and i am waiting excitedly!
Ryan and i spent much of yesterday picking out baby names and we have come up with some seriously cute ones! I still feel in my heart that it is going to be twins, but i am just going to have to wait and see on that one!
Let me share a little with you that i know of Gods promise, I have no fear when it comes to this implantation, and i am so sure of Gods promise of this conception that i am willing to put it out there publicly. I don't believe that it is going to take 2 or 3 times, i believe that by the grace of God that we will be pregnant at try number one. Think what you like, and wait patiently for me to eat my words, but i am completely faithful of this!
I have found more faith and structure in my belief of God over these last few months, although raised in a strong Christian home i strayed far during my younger adult years, but now have found my way home. I have done a lot of wrong things and made many mistakes, but i will no longer question Gods authority, he can do miraculous things that we never imagined if we just simply believe...funny that the only thing holding us back from his miracles is ourselves and our faith.....i am learning that first hand, i lost faith a long time ago in his promise for me to have a baby and i have no doubt the reason i am only just now coming to the "baby" point in my life is because i refused to give it to him and believe in his miracle....Not anymore, i believe and i am waiting excitedly!
Ryan and i spent much of yesterday picking out baby names and we have come up with some seriously cute ones! I still feel in my heart that it is going to be twins, but i am just going to have to wait and see on that one!
Friday, July 10, 2009
Stupid hormones
So i was all excited for tonight because i was going to get to fly with Ryan to Pune and enjoy some alone time with him, since i haven't had a whole lot of that since we got back, but wouldn't you know it....Yea, not going to happen! So instead of acting like a stable adult i am pouting in my bedroom crying my eyes out! I hate hormones and apparently even a little disappointment is world shattering at this point, fantastic since i am just getting started with the boosted hormones so i can imagine i have nowhere near reached my psychotic capabilities!!!!!! Well i am going to go cry some more so i guess i have nothing else to say....oh yea, THIS SUCKS!!!!!!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Fertility drugs and mini donkeys
Instead of recapping my day again i am simply going to post the letter i sent to close friends and family to capture day one of my IVF journey...And might i add that seeing an adorable mini donkey and its foal wandering through the streets of Hyderabad was about enough to make this hormonal mommy to be go to pieces...Bless his heart, Ryan even pulled over so we could watch them walk by again, the cutest thing i have ever seen....I WANT ONE!!!!!
Email sent July 9th 2009
I figure it is far easier to relay today's experience with you all in one mass email then to try to touch base with everyone individually....
Today we went in and spoke with the Dr before getting started, she explained that my implantation will be taking place between the 19th and the 25th of July. They will be implanting 3 embryos at a time so no litters here, maximum of 3 babies, but we are seriously praying for 2 although that is probably insane! LOL Unfortunately she mentioned that i would need to stay here (in India) under her care indefinitely, and so i am not sure at what point they will let me go home, but she firmly said that they needed to be able to monitor me and they cant do that if i am in the USA, we will see what happens and i am fighting to go home, but i will do as told!
Today they set me up on my hormones and some antibiotics...will explain the antibiotics in a moment as it is a fun filled story (sarcasm is thick on that one). So i am now taking between 6 to 8 pills a day and also get to enjoy some gel that has to be taken vaginally, but i guess this is better than shots so i am not going to fuss about it.
I had an internal ultrasound to check my lining and a wonderful (might i add, invasive) procedure to measure my uterus. Now i don't know about you but when a Dr tells me, I'm not going to hurt you i usually believe that to be true, but my uterus did not like to be measured as her notation on my chart was "measuring possible with use of force", ummm yea...there was general use of force and the cramping that followed about had me flying off the table...i tried to keep my "big girl panties" on so to speak but by the time i got back down to Ryan the tears we next to impossible to hold back. I understand that there is going to be pain and discomfort involved, so please do not think i am complaining because i will endure whatever it takes to have this baby, but i am just sharing my day. So due to this procedure the antibiotics are to protect me from infection. I joked with Ryan when the cramps subsided an hour later that i thought the getting pregnant was supposed to be the fun part and the birth was the part that hurt...I guess when you go the IVF way it gets to be uncomfortable all the way around (Julie, i will be calling you about implantation...i want no more surprises LOL).
So now my next appt is on the 19th and that is when they will check to see if my lining is thick enough, i am excited that this has all finally started, and any amount of discomfort is worth this, i just wish that they would let Ryan be in there with me or that Becca was here to go with me, but yet again i will speak of the "big girl panties" that i need to put back on. I am so thankful for this experience, what a blessing God is giving me in all of this....WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY, Ryan keeps asking the Dr for 2 please LOL. Our Dr is awesome, she keeps in close contact with me and does all of my procedures, we really like her a lot.
All we ask is that you keep the prayers coming and wait to see Gods miracle, cause we are going to have this baby and it is all of God!
Love Karen and Ryan
Email sent July 9th 2009
I figure it is far easier to relay today's experience with you all in one mass email then to try to touch base with everyone individually....
Today we went in and spoke with the Dr before getting started, she explained that my implantation will be taking place between the 19th and the 25th of July. They will be implanting 3 embryos at a time so no litters here, maximum of 3 babies, but we are seriously praying for 2 although that is probably insane! LOL Unfortunately she mentioned that i would need to stay here (in India) under her care indefinitely, and so i am not sure at what point they will let me go home, but she firmly said that they needed to be able to monitor me and they cant do that if i am in the USA, we will see what happens and i am fighting to go home, but i will do as told!
Today they set me up on my hormones and some antibiotics...will explain the antibiotics in a moment as it is a fun filled story (sarcasm is thick on that one). So i am now taking between 6 to 8 pills a day and also get to enjoy some gel that has to be taken vaginally, but i guess this is better than shots so i am not going to fuss about it.
I had an internal ultrasound to check my lining and a wonderful (might i add, invasive) procedure to measure my uterus. Now i don't know about you but when a Dr tells me, I'm not going to hurt you i usually believe that to be true, but my uterus did not like to be measured as her notation on my chart was "measuring possible with use of force", ummm yea...there was general use of force and the cramping that followed about had me flying off the table...i tried to keep my "big girl panties" on so to speak but by the time i got back down to Ryan the tears we next to impossible to hold back. I understand that there is going to be pain and discomfort involved, so please do not think i am complaining because i will endure whatever it takes to have this baby, but i am just sharing my day. So due to this procedure the antibiotics are to protect me from infection. I joked with Ryan when the cramps subsided an hour later that i thought the getting pregnant was supposed to be the fun part and the birth was the part that hurt...I guess when you go the IVF way it gets to be uncomfortable all the way around (Julie, i will be calling you about implantation...i want no more surprises LOL).
So now my next appt is on the 19th and that is when they will check to see if my lining is thick enough, i am excited that this has all finally started, and any amount of discomfort is worth this, i just wish that they would let Ryan be in there with me or that Becca was here to go with me, but yet again i will speak of the "big girl panties" that i need to put back on. I am so thankful for this experience, what a blessing God is giving me in all of this....WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY, Ryan keeps asking the Dr for 2 please LOL. Our Dr is awesome, she keeps in close contact with me and does all of my procedures, we really like her a lot.
All we ask is that you keep the prayers coming and wait to see Gods miracle, cause we are going to have this baby and it is all of God!
Love Karen and Ryan
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Hormones rule, boys drool
So today has been a typical hormonal first day of my period......
I am pissy, sad, lonely, mad, tired, scared, antsy, hurt, irritable, worried, stressed, bitchy, and totally helpless.....I really want to go home right now! I hate these hormonal ups and downs and i hate it here when i am like this. I really really miss Becca and i feel really bad for Ryan because i have been evil to him all day, and i think he stopped believing i was sorry when i say it and then ripped his head off 5 minutes later over and over and over again....BOOOOOO for hormones and boo for stress....I wish i was home so i could talk to my girls or just vent and scream!!!!! I couldn't sleep last night and tomorrow morning is my first appointment so i probably wont sleep tonight either!
Funny how just writing this so i can read it is therapy enough...i even feel a little bit better!
I am pissy, sad, lonely, mad, tired, scared, antsy, hurt, irritable, worried, stressed, bitchy, and totally helpless.....I really want to go home right now! I hate these hormonal ups and downs and i hate it here when i am like this. I really really miss Becca and i feel really bad for Ryan because i have been evil to him all day, and i think he stopped believing i was sorry when i say it and then ripped his head off 5 minutes later over and over and over again....BOOOOOO for hormones and boo for stress....I wish i was home so i could talk to my girls or just vent and scream!!!!! I couldn't sleep last night and tomorrow morning is my first appointment so i probably wont sleep tonight either!
Funny how just writing this so i can read it is therapy enough...i even feel a little bit better!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
I will learn one of these days...
Its funny, i would think by now that i would get it, but alas (yes, i said alas) i still have so much to learn. Now i have spent the last 8 months experiencing Gods miracle on my body first hand as i have had a regular and normal period for the first time in my life without the use of hormones (the last 2 months i have taken hormones only to regulate it all). So of course, this being the period that will be the start of all of the IVF stuff i got really worked up and nervous as my "designated" period date came and went, leaving me only with some spotting...OK, no biggie, spotting leads to the real deal, and yet the next day came and went without. Then what did i start to do, well panic of course, because if my period doesn't come right when i expect it to then Ryan wont be here for my initial exam. Not the end of the world, but enough for me to get me all worked up. So today, still awaiting "aunt flo" to show in full force i decided to do my bible study, and wouldn't you know it....It was about faith in Gods miracles, basically the most important part!!!! I can almost hear him laughing at me right this moment saying "oh Karen, do you know who i am and what i can do???? Why are you so worried!"
Well that being said, i finished my bible study, prayed a tearful thank you to him and closed with this verse that i was prompted to read.
Isaiah 41:10
Fear thou not; for i am with thee: be not dismayed; for i am thy God: i will strengthen thee; yea, i will help thee; yea, i will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Oh and by the way for all of you out there praying for us, we are praying for twins lol :~)
Well that being said, i finished my bible study, prayed a tearful thank you to him and closed with this verse that i was prompted to read.
Isaiah 41:10
Fear thou not; for i am with thee: be not dismayed; for i am thy God: i will strengthen thee; yea, i will help thee; yea, i will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Oh and by the way for all of you out there praying for us, we are praying for twins lol :~)
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Whoo hoo
Today, other than REALLY missing Ryan, has been a great day! Ryan's best friend Jeremie has agreed to move into the house and take care of the dogs. He is a perfect choice for this because he has a dog, and we know that he will give the kids the love and attention that they need, maybe even some walks! He is a college student, so there will be some long days that he wont be home, but that is no different than when Jamie was traveling for work. I think the greatest thing about this, is that it was yet again another answered prayer!
This has been the longest week ever and its killing me being apart from Ryan while trying to get settled back in. As the month moves along we get closer and closer yet to the big IVF day! I am trying to not think about it to much or i will just get to excited and then time will probably stop completely!
The monsoon has not yet come, but it is getting more and more humid every day. I am very anxious for it, I love thunderstorms! The remind me of my dad, and my younger years...I miss my family a lot right now!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
The longest week
This week has been never ending, and i miss Ryan like crazy! Its funny that i used to be able to survive months without him, and now being apart from him for a whole week seems unbearable! It takes all i have not to buy a ticket and fly out to be with him! He should be back in 2 days so i am just going to have to tough it out!
We got thrown to the "wolves" this week as i received a text the day we arrived back that Jamie would no longer be able to live in our house and take care of our dogs, so now 8000 miles away we are struggling to find a solution! Although i think this time we will not let the person living there live entirely rent free (we didn't charge her anything not even for utilities, pretty sweet deal if you ask me!!!) I think the next deal will have to include the utilities at least...Then again we desperately need someone by the end of this month so who knows what we are going to do. The stress has been a bit heavy, but i am trying to not let anything get me down, so i have turned it over to God and i am letting it go!
I have kept rather busy since i have been back and am slipping into a fairly nice morning routine after i exercise. I hope to continue this on for the duration of this rotation. There is much coming and going happening around here as Becca and Justin just headed back to the USA for a month and our roommate is retuning from his block off today (he also was delayed by Visa issues).
I am loving the tropical weather and am anxiously waiting for some sweet thunderstorms, but so far they are not here and the country is in desperate need of the late arriving monsoon. I guess all any of us can do is watch and wait.
We got thrown to the "wolves" this week as i received a text the day we arrived back that Jamie would no longer be able to live in our house and take care of our dogs, so now 8000 miles away we are struggling to find a solution! Although i think this time we will not let the person living there live entirely rent free (we didn't charge her anything not even for utilities, pretty sweet deal if you ask me!!!) I think the next deal will have to include the utilities at least...Then again we desperately need someone by the end of this month so who knows what we are going to do. The stress has been a bit heavy, but i am trying to not let anything get me down, so i have turned it over to God and i am letting it go!
I have kept rather busy since i have been back and am slipping into a fairly nice morning routine after i exercise. I hope to continue this on for the duration of this rotation. There is much coming and going happening around here as Becca and Justin just headed back to the USA for a month and our roommate is retuning from his block off today (he also was delayed by Visa issues).
I am loving the tropical weather and am anxiously waiting for some sweet thunderstorms, but so far they are not here and the country is in desperate need of the late arriving monsoon. I guess all any of us can do is watch and wait.
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