Around the world and yet....

Yes, it is true that this year has been a year of adventure and travel for us. I am so busy that i haven't even blogged about 2 of our trips, one to Rome back in September and Bali just earlier this month. Now some would say, wow i would give anything to go the places you have gone and see the things you have seen, but i have to say that i would trade all of these trips for more time back in the US with family and friends. It's easy for people who have never left the comfort of their country to not fully grasp what it is like to spend so much time on foreign soil. Yes, it is an amazing experience that we will forever treasure, and yes we have seen things i never imagined in all of my wildest dreams, we have met amazing people along the way and all of these things are valued, but when you are truly homesick all the 5 star resorts on the planet cant compare!

I don't take these trips for granted and i am not trying to sound spoiled, but i would in a heartbeat trade Bali, Rome, and even Thailand for more than a few weeks in the US 2 times a year! I want to lay in my bed and bask in the quiet of the country. I want to play with my dogs and watch my daughter with her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I want to drive my car to nowhere just because i can. I want to shop at Walmart where i can actually get all my needs fulfilled in one location (something i hated before i came here, but would give anything for now). I want to sit with Sarah and watch our kids play together, and i want to spend time with these few women who have stuck by my side through all of these years when the rest of the friends faded away. I miss girl time with my sister and sitting with my Mom.

The trips are great, but the grass is not as green as you may think. Funny how we always want to be where we are not! Don't get me wrong, i am so very thankful to God for our time in India and the opportunity to see the world...It has changed my life forever and i could never regret a moment of it! I am, however, ready for a long break back in the US, something we have not had for 3 years now! I am missing all of my freedoms that i used to take for granted! Especially my freedom of Religion, something America not only takes for granted, but lately seems to be pushing to the way side! I am happy that i got to come here and truly find out how blessed i am as an American. So for now i will enjoy my travel and count my blessings, until God sees fit to plant our feet firmly on American soil for good!

Birthday In Bali

We decided to spend Ella Mae's first birthday in Bali. We love Thailand and were very excited to check out this new Indonesian island paradise. I have to say that Bali is breathtakingly beautiful and the statues and carvings are amazing. It is filled with friendly people and rich in culture.

My absolutely favorite part of Bali was the thunderstorms. We vacationed on the end of the peak season, nearing the start of the wet season, but it was the perfect time in my opinion. The weather stayed pleasant the entire time, not to hot not to cold. The afternoon thunderstorms would roll in and there is just nothing like it! We enjoyed most of our meals at the hotels Cocos beach bar. It is literally sand floor with thatched roof and nothing but glorious ocean for a view.

This vacation we had decided would be one of relaxation, so we did not go out and explore the island too much. We did however drive a good part of the island to get to the Bali Safari and Marine park and that is a must see if you ever visit Bali. The animals were healthy, well kept and spectacular! It is a beautiful park! I don't regret our decision to stay close to home, as it allowed us to give Ella Mae proper rest. She loves the pool and the ocean and we spent our days in both. Ryan and i both enjoyed a beachside massage in the resorts outdoor spa huts...There is nothing quite like having a massage while listening to the ocean (live) and feeling the wind blowing off the water, it was the most relaxing massage i have ever enjoyed!

I will say that the water and the beaches could not compare to Thailand however. Yes, the water and beaches we experienced were clean and well kept, but they did not have that beautiful azure water of Thailand or the coral white sand beaches we fell in love with at Phuket. Bali had its own unique charm that made it a completely different experience from Thailand, but if the choice is down to beaches and water then Thailand wins, hands down!

Bali felt like a land of ancient ruins surrounded by lush jungle, it was gorgeous. I loved the feel of stepping back into a timeless place...There was truly something magical about this island. I am happy that we chose to stay in the Tanjung Benoa/Nusa Dua area instead of choosing the touristy Kuta beach area. Our resort was located near the top of the peninsula so we were further from the manicured Nusa Dua zone, and got more a feel of the real Bali.

All in all it was a good choice and i am happy that we got to experience Bali, it will forever be in my heart! Next stop will of course be Thailand, we have truly fallen in love with the country and there is so much more to see!!!!

The birth of our miracle

Its hard to believe that a year ago i was just beginning the journey of Ella Mae's birth. The 18 hours of labor and the final push to bring her into this world are a memory, but one that i will carry with me for all time. The very second that the Dr's placed her in my arms i knew i would love her forever, and that i would lay my life on the line for her always, what i didn't know is that feeling, that powerful love would only multiply with each passing day, week, month and now year. I love her more now than i ever imagined i had the capacity to love. Some nights i hold her while she sleeps and it feels she is the reason my heart beats! True, as she gets older we have begun the power struggle, and some days are not all fun and games...Good or bad days, regardless are the best days simply because Ella Mae is here with us and we are a family.

This year has been an amazing experience. We have watched her grow from a helpless infant to a daring toddler. Watching her little body grow and her amazing mind develop, all things that are such a blessing to be part of. The one characteristic that never ceases to amaze me is her never ending love and adoration for us. She gives hugs with out asking, she kisses us often and gives us her trademark head butts just to show she cares. Even after not getting her way she is never greedy with the love, she offers it freely and openly. Her heart is so big, and every second with her makes my heart bigger.

I thought i fully understood love, but i am sad to say that i never knew of this love, this powerful, deep and undying love that i feel for my daughter. Loving her has taught me to better love all people in my life. I take my cues from her, i forgive easily and show love fiercely. I can not imagine a minute of my life spent without her and i look forward to watching her continue to grow and change. Ella Mae is incredible...I really cant say much more than that.

This last year has brought Ryan and i to a new level of love and our family to a new level of faith. God is amazing and he blessed us above and beyond with the gift of our baby girl. This year we will sing happy Birthday to Ella Mae in Bali Indonesia, which is fitting of her jet set life that she has had since birth. She is an adventurer and wherever Ryan and Ella Mae are is home. Thank you God, for an amazing husband and the miracle of my baby girl Ella Mae....My blessing overflow!!!!

Transformed

I have had a lot of time for soul searching over these last few months, and i have come to many realizations. Today i was looking at a friends FB page and i found a recent picture of Kira. I cant stop crying now....

Becca and Kira have been the biggest part of our little world here in India for a very long time. Our girls really have grown up together, and we have been together for most all of the amazing milestones. Kira and Becca have been back in the US for over 2 months now and wont be back for another month and it has been the hardest time in my journey of India. I knew i would miss them, but i had no idea how deep my love had grown for them, not as passing acquaintances but as family. Here in India, Justin, Becca and Kira are our family. Being without them for so long is just as hard as missing the rest of our family and friends that are back in the US.

For the first time here in India i felt as though all of the pillars i leaned on were thousands of miles away, and so i turned all of my focus onto my foundation....My God, my husband and our child. This time brought me to new leaps in faith, into a new calling from my heavenly father. Taught me to be strong when i feel my weakest. I learned to reach out of my little shelter and seek companionship from others, to step out of my comfort zone and make new friends. Ultimately this time was used to give me new strength to prepare me for our final goodbye to our very dear friends when the time comes. I don't even want to think about India without them, it will not be the same India that i have found a home in.

Living this expat life means that people come and go, you make some new passing friends and others last a lifetime. Our daughters shared an amazing time in their life together and i have no doubt that Becca and i will find a way to keep these girls, and ourselves in touch. I honestly cant imagine my life without them in it. So as i have held tightly to my very vital friendship with the King's so will i cling to this friendship with the Lloyds. Friendships are not dime a dozen, but a rare precious gem, that when found must be kept for all time! Yet another lesson i have learned well in my time here in India!

India, with each passing day is less and less about a job and more and more about God having my full attention and a chance for me to be transformed in ways i never imagined. I came to India a lost caterpillar, as of now i sit growing and changing in my cocoon, and one great day i will emerge a butterfly and my wings will finally carry me home......

Letter to India

Dear India

I just wanted to let you know that i am done fighting you! There are days when i hate you and then others where i wonder what i will do when i leave you. You have brought me joy and laughter, fear and pain. You have taught me to wait on God and to no longer try to control everything around me. God sent me to you for a reason, he knew that i would learn so much while i was here. You took my world and turned it upside down. Had i not given in to God and come to you i would have never know how deep and amazing my marriage could be, and i would have never experienced God's miracle of my sweet baby girl. I have met new and amazing friends through you and learned to be humble and honest. You have drained me to the point of wanting to give up and then you have brought fresh perspective and a will to go on. I thank you for showing me all that you have to offer and for being you and only you. One day i will leave you and although i will never forget you i will close you like a happy chapter of my life that i lived to the fullest. God sent me here and so i know where he sends me next will be just as amazing of a journey as this one.

Kind Regards,

Karen

Prayers for Japan

You know, it is so easy to get caught up in your own little bubble but life likes to slap you right in the face and show you some serious perspective.

I truly can't complain as this last week has been filled with answered prayers for me. We got some very good financial news that was pivotal in keeping our home, Ryan's medical came back perfect, new members have come forward to help serve in the church, my back went out after Sarah and Ryan left and our friends were able to stay with me for a couple of days to help with Ella Mae, which turned out to be an answered prayer for them as well. I could keep going because honestly we have been bountifully blessed.

Today i face an empty house for the first time since we came back from Thailand, and i felt my heart begin to ache a bit, so instead of feeling sorry for myself i began reading about the earthquake/tsunami in Japan and i no longer feel even a bit sorry for myself. I will continue to pray for all of the people affected and am thankful that Hawaii and the west coast of the US seem to have been, for the most part, spared from this disaster.

Life is never simple, but if today you are feeling sorry for yourself for whatever reason, why not turn your thoughts over to those who are searching for missing loved ones who will probably never be seen again, or pray for those who lost everything and have no idea where to go next. Pray for those who are working to save lives and for those who are waiting to be rescued. Instead of buying another name brand pair of sunglasses or purse send some money to give aid to those who can no longer feed their children or give them shelter. Take this as an opportunity to look beyond your own longings, hurt, or pain and reach your heart out to those who are truly less fortunate. You may just find that in putting your focus on people in a far worse condition that you no longer know why you were feeling sorry for yourself in the first place. I know that is what i am going to do, actually i cant even remember what i was so bummed about before i started writing this.

Back to reality

It has been a nice couple of weeks. We started off with an amazing vacation, come home to Sarah arriving from the US and have been busy, busy, busy. It has been nice to have so much going on to keep my mind off of all the things coming up. I am hurting over Becca and Kira not being here, they are my reality link and i miss them terribly. Ella Mae has been testing all limits lately, from no longer eating baby food, to refusing milk completely, throwing temper tantrums when she doesn't get her way and fighting sleep. I know that these things are the normal progression as she gets older and tries to work things out for herself, but it is hard and the battle is no fun. I have been able to get things done around the house having Sarah here to help me entertain her, and now Sarah is leaving, Ryan is leaving and i am going to be completely alone for a little while. It is really hard to go from a full house to an empty one.

We have had a fantastic time sharing Hyderabad with Sarah and it is fun to get out and do the "tourist" thing for a change. We never go out and explore the city, and we saw some very neat places. This city really has far more than meets the eye. Sarah was an amazing comfort to have around and Ella Mae loved spending time with her. It was a blessing to have those 2 weeks together!

I am fine here in India, i have my life figured out and although it is a bit dull it is comfortable. I really miss my US friends and family, and i really miss SD right now. Normally we would be heading home in a few weeks as we try to get home at least every 4th month but it will be more like 7 months this time. We are excited for Bali and i know it will be amazing, but all the travel in the world cannot replace the feel of home!

I am going to try to stay focused and keep busy. I have already scheduled a play date with Shelley and Yasmine this week and we will get to see Jacqui and Sam on Sunday so Ella Mae will get to have some fun and that is what truly matters. There are many amazing people over here that we get to share our life with for a short amount time and i am going to take advantage of all that India has to offer.