Transformed

I have had a lot of time for soul searching over these last few months, and i have come to many realizations. Today i was looking at a friends FB page and i found a recent picture of Kira. I cant stop crying now....

Becca and Kira have been the biggest part of our little world here in India for a very long time. Our girls really have grown up together, and we have been together for most all of the amazing milestones. Kira and Becca have been back in the US for over 2 months now and wont be back for another month and it has been the hardest time in my journey of India. I knew i would miss them, but i had no idea how deep my love had grown for them, not as passing acquaintances but as family. Here in India, Justin, Becca and Kira are our family. Being without them for so long is just as hard as missing the rest of our family and friends that are back in the US.

For the first time here in India i felt as though all of the pillars i leaned on were thousands of miles away, and so i turned all of my focus onto my foundation....My God, my husband and our child. This time brought me to new leaps in faith, into a new calling from my heavenly father. Taught me to be strong when i feel my weakest. I learned to reach out of my little shelter and seek companionship from others, to step out of my comfort zone and make new friends. Ultimately this time was used to give me new strength to prepare me for our final goodbye to our very dear friends when the time comes. I don't even want to think about India without them, it will not be the same India that i have found a home in.

Living this expat life means that people come and go, you make some new passing friends and others last a lifetime. Our daughters shared an amazing time in their life together and i have no doubt that Becca and i will find a way to keep these girls, and ourselves in touch. I honestly cant imagine my life without them in it. So as i have held tightly to my very vital friendship with the King's so will i cling to this friendship with the Lloyds. Friendships are not dime a dozen, but a rare precious gem, that when found must be kept for all time! Yet another lesson i have learned well in my time here in India!

India, with each passing day is less and less about a job and more and more about God having my full attention and a chance for me to be transformed in ways i never imagined. I came to India a lost caterpillar, as of now i sit growing and changing in my cocoon, and one great day i will emerge a butterfly and my wings will finally carry me home......

Letter to India

Dear India

I just wanted to let you know that i am done fighting you! There are days when i hate you and then others where i wonder what i will do when i leave you. You have brought me joy and laughter, fear and pain. You have taught me to wait on God and to no longer try to control everything around me. God sent me to you for a reason, he knew that i would learn so much while i was here. You took my world and turned it upside down. Had i not given in to God and come to you i would have never know how deep and amazing my marriage could be, and i would have never experienced God's miracle of my sweet baby girl. I have met new and amazing friends through you and learned to be humble and honest. You have drained me to the point of wanting to give up and then you have brought fresh perspective and a will to go on. I thank you for showing me all that you have to offer and for being you and only you. One day i will leave you and although i will never forget you i will close you like a happy chapter of my life that i lived to the fullest. God sent me here and so i know where he sends me next will be just as amazing of a journey as this one.

Kind Regards,

Karen

Prayers for Japan

You know, it is so easy to get caught up in your own little bubble but life likes to slap you right in the face and show you some serious perspective.

I truly can't complain as this last week has been filled with answered prayers for me. We got some very good financial news that was pivotal in keeping our home, Ryan's medical came back perfect, new members have come forward to help serve in the church, my back went out after Sarah and Ryan left and our friends were able to stay with me for a couple of days to help with Ella Mae, which turned out to be an answered prayer for them as well. I could keep going because honestly we have been bountifully blessed.

Today i face an empty house for the first time since we came back from Thailand, and i felt my heart begin to ache a bit, so instead of feeling sorry for myself i began reading about the earthquake/tsunami in Japan and i no longer feel even a bit sorry for myself. I will continue to pray for all of the people affected and am thankful that Hawaii and the west coast of the US seem to have been, for the most part, spared from this disaster.

Life is never simple, but if today you are feeling sorry for yourself for whatever reason, why not turn your thoughts over to those who are searching for missing loved ones who will probably never be seen again, or pray for those who lost everything and have no idea where to go next. Pray for those who are working to save lives and for those who are waiting to be rescued. Instead of buying another name brand pair of sunglasses or purse send some money to give aid to those who can no longer feed their children or give them shelter. Take this as an opportunity to look beyond your own longings, hurt, or pain and reach your heart out to those who are truly less fortunate. You may just find that in putting your focus on people in a far worse condition that you no longer know why you were feeling sorry for yourself in the first place. I know that is what i am going to do, actually i cant even remember what i was so bummed about before i started writing this.

Back to reality

It has been a nice couple of weeks. We started off with an amazing vacation, come home to Sarah arriving from the US and have been busy, busy, busy. It has been nice to have so much going on to keep my mind off of all the things coming up. I am hurting over Becca and Kira not being here, they are my reality link and i miss them terribly. Ella Mae has been testing all limits lately, from no longer eating baby food, to refusing milk completely, throwing temper tantrums when she doesn't get her way and fighting sleep. I know that these things are the normal progression as she gets older and tries to work things out for herself, but it is hard and the battle is no fun. I have been able to get things done around the house having Sarah here to help me entertain her, and now Sarah is leaving, Ryan is leaving and i am going to be completely alone for a little while. It is really hard to go from a full house to an empty one.

We have had a fantastic time sharing Hyderabad with Sarah and it is fun to get out and do the "tourist" thing for a change. We never go out and explore the city, and we saw some very neat places. This city really has far more than meets the eye. Sarah was an amazing comfort to have around and Ella Mae loved spending time with her. It was a blessing to have those 2 weeks together!

I am fine here in India, i have my life figured out and although it is a bit dull it is comfortable. I really miss my US friends and family, and i really miss SD right now. Normally we would be heading home in a few weeks as we try to get home at least every 4th month but it will be more like 7 months this time. We are excited for Bali and i know it will be amazing, but all the travel in the world cannot replace the feel of home!

I am going to try to stay focused and keep busy. I have already scheduled a play date with Shelley and Yasmine this week and we will get to see Jacqui and Sam on Sunday so Ella Mae will get to have some fun and that is what truly matters. There are many amazing people over here that we get to share our life with for a short amount time and i am going to take advantage of all that India has to offer.

Lets eat cake!

We decided to celebrate Ella Mae's first birthday a month early so that her Aunt Sarah could be with us. I have been struggling with not being able to celebrate such an important day properly. Most of our friends here will be home on block off and it just didn't feel right to only celebrate with the 3 of us in Bali, so on Saturday the 5th we had her official, unofficial 1st birthday party.

She still wasn't too sure about the whole gift thing and after she opened the first one all she wanted to do was play with that and had no further interest in opening any more. We had a few little temper tantrums as i took the first gift away to try to draw her interest in the other gifts. Mostly i opened them and she chewed on them.

The cake, at first, was a mystery to her. She picked at it, but was unsure of what it was. With a little help from "uncle Justin" who showed her how it was done, she got brave and dug in. In the end we had the classic cake mess with our daughter covered head to toe in cake and riding a pretty nice sugar buzz. It was so much fun to watch her play and experiment. She is growing up much to fast for me!

I was convinced she was never going to go to sleep after the festivities, but after a bath and a cuddle she CRASHED and went right to sleep.

The party, although small, was a success. I feel like we actually got to celebrate properly. It was nice to have Justin and Erin here to help us wish our little lady a Happy Birthday! Now we will have to do it all over again in Bali and then in SD when we get home! Lucky girl, 3 parties!!!!

Incredible Thailand

What an amazing vacation! Phuket was just what our little family needed! I cant express how incredibly beautiful Phuket was, it was like a dream. Our hotel was right on Patong Beach which is a very busy tourist area. The beach, however busy, was well maintained, no trash and the water was incredible! It was clear and beautiful and the water was like stepping into a warm bath.

This was Ella Mae's very first time at the ocean and although a bit apprehensive at first once she started splashing she was hooked! Between the 3 beautiful hotel pools to the gorgeous Andaman Sea there was plenty of water for her to enjoy. She did amazing on this trip, she never ceases to amaze me. She was perfect on the flights and took her naps in the stroller, the car, the boat or the room depending on where we were when she got tired. She really didn't put up much of a fuss. She even cut a tooth while we were there and although it disrupted her sleep a bit, her mood remained happy and playful.

I have always wanted to see Maya Bay, where " The Beach" was filmed and now we were only a boat ride away. We talked about it more and more and realized, although Ella Mae would handle it, we would be asking a lot of her and putting her on a boat for a very long day out in the sun, so in the end our plans changed. I have to say this change turned out to be better than i dreamed. Our hotel suggested we take a half day trip to Khai Nui and Khai Nok where we could snorkel and the fish swim right up to you so it is a preferred trip for people with kids. We were sold!

The boat ride out was enjoyable and i was awe struck again by the raw beauty of this place. The water was an amazing deep saphire over the reefs next to this gorgeous bright sea green covering the whitest sand i have ever seen. The water was so clear you could see forever and the fish flourished. We arrived at Khai Nok, a tiny island to small to go ashore. The boat stopped off shore and we were offered to snorkel off the boat surrounded by amazing reefs. The water was a little rough that morning so we all decided to go on to the next island where we could snorkel off the beach. There are no words to describe the beauty of this island, it was small, uninhabited amazing white sand beach surrounded by the most amazingly clear and beautiful water that i have ever seen! The ecosystem is so healthy that this little island off the reef was a nursery for juvenile fish and they literally swim to shore and swarm around you. During Ryan and my time of snorkeling we saw a variety of fish, the trumpet fish and a beautiful clown trigger fish were our two favorite of the day. Ella Mae loved looking at the fish that swam near the shore, she had an amazing time on this incredible little island!

In our week long stay we enjoyed the aquarium, walking through the street markets, but most of all we enjoyed our time in the water! I am dying to get back and explore more of the island, it just had so much to offer that we have barely scraped the surface! Phuket Thailand should be on every ones destination list if possible, it is AMAZING!

We spent a little bit of time in one of our very favorite places, Bangkok, and we even took Ella Mae on a long tail boat ride. She loved the boat and seemed to enjoy the wind on her face. It was an amazing vacation! Next stop.....BALI!!!!

Expat extravaganza!

So today is the first day of our block off (vacation) and it has been nice to have Ryan home while we get ready to go, normally he would work right up to when we needed to fly out but he picked up an extra shift to get today off. So as our countdown hit 2.5 hours until departure Ryan decided to take a shower while i fed Ella Mae. All was good until i heard him trying to open the door, followed by "Karen, i need some help." Um yea, that was not good!

The bathroom doorknob had broken so when you turn it, it no longer pulls back the pin that lets the door open. He asked me to slide a butter knife under the door, but there is zero clearance on these doors and so now we had a bigger problem, the door could only be fixed from his side and i had all the tools on mine. There is a window in our bedroom near to the window in the bathroom, but still much to far for reaching with an arm and they also put bars on all windows here in our complex so it just wasn't happening. I decided to attach tools to the broom handle with a pony tail holder and pass them to Ryan that way, and it worked!!!

We had a flight to catch in just 2 short hours so this, although a bit funny, could potentially be a problem! I called the maintenance office explaining the urgency but everything takes a long time here so i knew that even if they sent someone and he could do anything it would be awhile. I then called another of our Expat friends and i know they really wanted to laugh, but said they would be right over! I said a little prayer and began to feel a bit better.

Ryan was having no luck with the butter knife and the doorknob was nearly impossible to remove so we were stuck. Our friend's arrived with tools in hand and one kept Ella Mae company as we assessed the situation. We passed more tools to Ryan who attempted to take the door from its hinges, but again showed that the craftsmanship of these doors, jams, and knobs were a true mystery. Everyone, trying to maintain a level of seriousness but having a hard time considering that my dear husband was locked in a tiny room with nothing more than a towel on while a growing group of us were gathering outside the door trying to figure out what to do. The maintenance guy arrived and he cracked a smile a few times when he realized what was going on, but had no suggestions on what to do. So it seemed we were going to have to break down the door. Our 2 friends were prepared to start ramming when they decided to see if we could first remove the handle from the outside and so one returned to his apartment for more tools. Ryan continued to struggle with the flat head screwdriver trying to pry back the pins. I began envisioning them having to cut the door down with a hacksaw!

Finally, by answered prayer alone, Ryan got the door open and turned to the maintenance man saying "these doors suck." The man who spoke little to no English said nothing and seemed a bit shocked at my husband in a towel. I about died as the rest of us cracked jokes with Ryan, still in a towel. With much thanking everyone went back about their day and after being sure that the door would not lock on me, i took a shower. I realized that if the tables had been turned i would not have known what to do and it would have been worse, me being stuck in there. God was looking out for us for sure! Ryan then commented that it would have been bad if that had happened when i was all alone caring for Ella Mae, YUP, THAT'S IT NO MORE SHOWERS FOR ME WHEN I AM HOME ALONE! LOL

So we started off with a bang and i think actually it was nice to find humor in the situation, after all, no harm done and it happened when we were here together so now we know there is a problem that needs fixing.

Time for a week on the beach of Phuket Thailand!