Profound moments

There have only been a few times in my life where i have actually heard God say "move" and so this being one of those times i did not ignore him, but did exactly as he told me to. One verse has been laid on my heart and honestly i am tingling in anticipation to see what he has in store for us!

Last time this happened we were gifted with our miracle baby Ella Mae!

~Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it

on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.~ Philippians 1:6

Nearly 3 years ago our adventure in India began. There have been many twists and turns and a fair amount of ups and downs, but one lesson well learned is that God has a plan and you need to surrender to it.

When we first arrived i half heartily searched for a church, but being we had no driver and were very far from all things i gave up knowing that i would never go to church in this country alone and Ryan's schedule made very little time for him to join me. Around Christmas i received a letter from a woman i had never met and our only connection was a mommy and me group here in Hyderabad, inviting all of us mommies to her Church's' upcoming festivities. I passed this note by, but it lingered on my heart. For anyone who has never experienced God talking to you, i will tell you this much, if you don't listen the first time he will begin to yell and you wont have a choice but to do as told!

A week back i decided to come out of my shell and expand my world and took a lunch date with one of the mommies. We had a nice time and began discussing religion and what a complication it can be in a place like India where there are so many conflicting ideals crammed together. She suggested that her friend had just planted a church and that maybe we could go check it out. I literally felt God standing over my shoulder saying "how many times must i tell you..." I heard him loud and clear. Without hesitation i went home and emailed this woman that i had now only met once in passing and she responded that they had planted a small church and invited me to come.

I cant explain to you what happens when you finally not only hear God, but chose to listen. It is amazing! I was very excited and after researching their church affiliation and finding it to be right along with all of my beliefs i couldn't wait to tell Ryan that i may have found us a church home, and then on cue satan stepped in and "rained on my parade". Ryan and i got into a huge fight over nothing and the excitement was lost almost to the point where i had decided not to go, but i felt God urging me to fight this battle and win! I found the best way was to rebuild my excitement so i began talking to Ryan about it and as the talk wore on the excitement of the possibility became contagious! Unfortunately Ryan's schedule would make it impossible to join me but in the future we will try to go as a family!

I do not do well in new settings, especially on my own, i can be easily intimidated, but something amazing happened. I have not slept well in forever and so i am truly exhausted day in and day out. Going to church would mean messing up Ella Mae's sleep and food schedule which could mean a LONG day for me. I woke up Sunday morning after a refreshing nights sleep and felt ready to take on the world! I hadn't felt this good in a long time, God had provided!

Our driver found the house without trouble, a feat in itself here in this huge city, and i was greeted warmly as i was the first to arrive. I have to say that i felt none of the insecurities i am used to and i felt welcome and at home immediately! My new friend and her husband arrived shortly after (they are the pastoral team, he preaches she does praise and worship). They welcomed me and we waited as more people arrived. The group was a mix of 3 languages and so the message being preached in English went on to be translated into Hindi and Telugu. I did not know the words to the new songs we were singing, but something new happened....As i closed my eyes and began to sing along as best i could, humming most of the time i began to feel the Holy Spirit move in that place. My eyes were constantly on the verge of crying, my heart was happy and i felt renewed! My over tired baby sat well behaved during the hour and a half service, even throwing in a happy squeal at the appropriate time!

I have always gone to church to be "fed" but today i found myself in a new position. I was there to pray over the lost and to lift my praise to God. The service was basic and fulfilling. It served the purpose it was meant to, to lead new people to the Lord. It wasn't the deep service meant to feed those who had a long term relationship with the Lord (which can be overwhelming to new comers), but to reveal Jesus to the lost. I finally felt as if i was serving a purpose. Simply by being there, interceding on the behalf of those that were lost, praying for those who needed prayer and lifting all of India up to God. It was powerful, so powerful that this blog entry gives it no justice! I walked away from today excited for next Sunday! One man gave his heart to Jesus today, i cant remember the last time that i was in a small enough setting to be able to witness such an intimate time in a new Christians life! It is now my job to pray for this man every day, to ask God to truly reveal himself to this man, to bring about change, to not let it just be and empty statement but for his life to be forever changed. God has big things planned here in Hyderabad India, and i cant wait to be part of it! It is awesome that I can make a difference by simply praying for and being part of a church service. Now i am blessed with Christian fellowship, something that i have truly missed. I love gathering together with others who love God, there is something so healing about it!

Praise God, i cant wait to see what he has in store for us now!

Perspective

Again i sit, wide awake, truly exhausted, and no where near able to sleep. I dont have anything pressing going on, so i have to wonder what is keeping me up. My life is simple, being over here in India. I no longer have the stresses of a full time job, or the worries of living paycheck to paycheck, the things that used to keep me up, so what is my problem!

It is a puzzling thing to take an American and stick them in a developing 3rd world country. I think it really makes you think about your life, your direction, and what is truly important. I find myself getting frustrated with the things i am hearing others talk about back home. I find myself wondering if i was truly as selfish as i think i was. I find myself having a hard time relating to a lot of the things i used to call "day to day".

Your perspective changes a lot when you are throw out of the box. Little eye openers are around me at all times. I am a foreigner living in another world while still trying to live as a foreigner. In some ways they have made that possible, and yet i cant help but feel that there is still this "need" attitude that i should be working to rid myself of.

Perspective...My average grocery bill for 2 weeks back home is roughly $150. My average grocery bill in India for about a week is $150. Our drivers pay for the entire month is $240. Now, i shop at an import store because i am accustom to a certain taste, and i want to be able to enjoy the food i am used to. We pay our driver above average, and he would never be able to afford to eat the way we do. Just the other day he explained that rice had gone up to a dollar per kg and it was getting too expensive since that is the main food in India. PERSPECTIVE!

People are all about their fancy cars, and i wont say that i can blame them, but i wonder if driving the biggest and the baddest, or the sleekest and the fastest will ever be more than over indulgence to me after this. A car is a form of transportation, not a status symbol. We came over to India in true American style buying a motorcycle for Ryan and a scooter for me all the while we watched families of 4 piled onto the one family bike. I am pleased to say that we sold the scooter and i hope that we sell the bike as well since we have the car and driver now. It was just another reminder of how spoiled we are when Salim would ask when the last time we rode the scooter was and we honestly couldnt remember. Here is a man with a wife and children and how do they all get around? ON THE ONE BIKE! PERSPECTIVE!!!!

I feel my tolerance for so much being drained away. My suggestion, find simplicity and enjoy it. If we focused more on family and less on 2 incomes maybe there wouldnt be so many troubled youth. If we focused more on saving our neighbor and less on saving the whales maybe there wouldnt be so much suffering. If we focused more on giving and less on getting than maybe we would find that deeper level of satisfaction. If we focused more on impressing our husbands and less on turning other mans heads maybe there would be less divorce.

My perspective is forever changed!

Ho-hum

So I don't know what my problem is, maybe it is that i am missing my friends and family back home more than usual because there is so much going on back home where i feel i could be there for them, my friends deployment, my Mom's health, the list goes on and on. Maybe it is that the Lloyds are back in the US and so i am truly ALONE over here especially since Ryan is gone for a week doing back to back overnights. Maybe it is that my little monster has been having a heck of a time teething (she is going for a record, cutting 3 at once). Or, maybe it is just that my life is on track so satan is attacking. Who knows!!!!

I am not going to sit here and feel sorry for myself, there are much bigger things going on than my blue mood and i have so much to be thankful for i hardly feel the right to feel down. I am fortunate to have my husband home most nights, something my friends with deployed husbands can not have right now, so i should not complain. We moved half way around the world so that we could have a "normal" marriage not one where my husband was gone weeks at a time and always sleeping elsewhere. India is not the easiest place to live and when my only friend over here is gone it can be a bit much. It is worth it to see Ryan so much more than we would if we were back in the US and he were working for a major airline. That is a future we may have to face again sooner rather than later and i am terrified of that! I actually find myself praying that our time over here go slow because i know when we go back home i will become an "aviation widow" again and i don't even want to think about that!

Soldiers family

I have been feeling very good lately, happier than i can remember so yesterday when my heart started to hurt and i started to feel very sad i just couldn't put my finger on it. My dear friend Sarah was weighing heavily on my mind and so i sent her off a little note. My dates were mixed up so i was thinking that her husband was leaving for deployment today but i guess God was giving me a hint. On the day that i was feeling so very low, my sweet friend was trying to get through the first day of her husbands deployment. I guess love crosses oceans because it all makes sense, this sadness i am feeling. I wanted so bad to be there for her in this time and we are a world apart. I love these friends of mine like family, and the only comfort i can offer her from my location is that simple fact that her husband is very near to where i am so our love and prayers literally surround him.

To my Sarah, your strength is something truly amazing. You have grace in all that you do and a kindness that radiates from you. Never have i been blessed in friendship as i am with yours. I can not be there by your side on the hard days to come, but know that God will let me know when you are hurting and i will be praying and sending you my love over the many miles. Yesterday was the first time i have felt God actually speak to me so directly in a long time, he told me you were hurting and the emotions i felt were undeniable. You are truly loved by him and he will be with you and the kids bringing comfort as well as with Chris bringing protection. The promise that i make for you is that i will pray for you and your family every single day until Chris comes home, i will think of you often and send as much love as i can your direction. You have an amazing family and before you know it you will all be back together again!

To Chris, there are no words to truly express gratitude to a soldier. People do not truly understand the sacrifices you make for a freedoms that are so taken for granted. I know that you would rather be chasing Alex on his bike or cuddling with Eva than over in some desert. Thank you for choosing the hard road, for being a man of honor and courage. You are an amazing friend and we miss you very much. I will pray for you every day until you come home, asking for strength and protection. I pray that your time pass quickly and that your heart remain full. Thank you Chris for your sacrifices.

To my friends and family reading this....I ask that you also add this great family to your prayers, after all it is because of soldiers like Chris that we have freedom of religion so that we can pray, and freedom of speech so that i can write this. It is because of these amazing military families that we live in one of the greatest nations in the world!

"God, please watch over my dear friends. Please bring comfort to Sarah, Alex, and Eva and help the kids to understand that their Daddy will be home soon. Help them to see that their Mommy needs them to be extra helpful for her right now. Wrap your arms around Sarah and fill her with the love that Chris is sending to her across the miles. Lord i ask that you would help her to remain strong in the moments where she feels she cant and that she would have the energy of the 2 parents she has to be right now. I ask that they would be surrounded by family and friends and be filled with peace. Lord i ask protection over Chris, i ask that you would help him to remain strong in this time apart from his family. I ask that he would feel their love every time that he starts to feel sad or lonely. Keep him safe and bring him home soon. Thank you Lord for this amazing family and for blessing my life with them. Amen."

Life is good

We have a crazy couple of months ahead of us, and i have to say that they have given our time here in India a huge boost! Normally time stands still, in the past we have only taken our block off every 4 to 6 months and that can make time drag on over here. We decided last September, that although we will not go back to the US every 8 weeks, we will take some kind of vacation every 8 weeks to keep our sanity! We have been here nearly 3 years, actually that seems crazy to me, and we have at least another 16 months possibly more so it is time for some fun!

We started out planning a fun trip to Thailand, starting in Bangkok on to Phuket with a visit to Phi Phi Island. We are really excited about this trip, i love beach vacations and it will be so much fun to see what Ella Mae thinks of the sand and the ocean!

We had not decided what we were going to do 8 weeks after that and then our friends the Lloyds offered an amazing trip. Our 2 families will be flying to Milan together and then spending 7 days in Tuscany! We are so excited, this will be such a great time! Our daughters have grown up together and we spend most of our time in India with them, so this will be an amazing memory to add to this adventure. To top it off our little Ella Mae will turn one in Tuscany! I just wish she would remember all of these wild adventures!

So the next 4 months were looking pretty exciting and then it happened. We got some even better news! Ryan's sister will be coming for a 2 week visit in between our 2 trips! There is not much better than having family come visit you when you are so very far from home. My sister came when i was pregnant and it was so awesome for us. It will be great to share this experience with another family member. No matter how much you explain things to people no one can truly grasp what a wild ride this India experience is unless they come here and get a taste for themselves. I am so happy that we were able to extend this opportunity to Sarah, it will be great for Ella Mae to get to spend some time with her Aunt as well. It also gives Becca and i an excuse to explore Hyderabad. We really don't do the "tourist" thing since we live here, so having Sarah come means we will have to show her around. So much to look forward to!

We have then decided that 8 weeks after Tuscany we will take a much needed trip back to the US, so as you can see the next 6 months are going to be incredible. It makes me happy to know that my hard working husband is going to get some much deserved leisure time over the next couple of block offs. Normally we go home and he works his butt off on home remodel, so taking actual vacations where all he has to do is lounge on the beach in Thailand, or poolside in Tuscany is a great feeling!

Life is good!!!!

Strength in the struggle

Today i read back over my IVF entries...The emotions of preparing for pregnancy, finding out i was pregnant and the loss of Ella Mae's twin all came rushing back to me. I think that sometimes i forget the gravity of the amazing miracle that has occurred in Ryan and my life. I am not saying that i am taking the gift of my daughter for granted, quite the contrary, i thank God for her daily and will continue to "give her back to God" every day of my life! I just think that as time passes it can become easy to forget the magnitude of those emotions that i once felt so new and fresh. I am so very happy that i journaled this entire experience and i think i will continue to go back over and read about it time after time so that those emotions can stay fresh and that i will never forget how deeply blessed we are with our miracle pregnancy and birth of our little angel!

The India adventure began nearly 3 years ago and there are a few things i have learned for certain...

If you seek God first he WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS.

If you put God as the center of your marriage you can and will survive all of the trials and you will find that you have a deeper level of love that you never thought possible.

If you hand over your hopes and dreams to God he will answer.

If you give God your fears he will bring you comfort.

If you surrender yourself completely, the possibilities are ENDLESS!

I still have a long way to go, but for the first time in my life i feel that i am finally on the path God intended for me. My marriage isn't perfect, but through Gods love Ryan and i will find the love that we need from each other. We may not know what we are going to do for work when our contract ends here, but we know that God will provide and we will never go "without". I may not be a perfect Mother, but i will show my daughter love and compassion and i will teach her to pray and turn to God in all things. I may not be a perfect friend, but i will offer myself to my friends in whatever they may need. I may not be a perfect sibling, but i would lay down my life for them. I may not be a perfect daughter, but i love my parents with unconditional love that will never fade. My favorite saying, when it comes to Christians, is "Not perfect, just forgiven." I don't pretend to be perfect, or some kind of high and mighty person, but i do live as best i can in the will of God and i will do whatever he asks me to do without second though....God is good after all and he has blessed my life in truly miraculous ways!

ALPS

So today is the much anticipated ALPS day, basically Aparna Towers Day. Part of me has been dreading this day, because India gets really excited about their "holidays" and this special day was to celebrate our apartment complex, so as you can imagine it has been a "big to do". Of course i know what this means, lots of chaos and out of control loud music, and wouldn't you know it, they picked the parking lot under my apartment to have the festivities.

Well today it kicked off and i listened to the DJ doing sound check all afternoon, enjoying the club mix (lol), wondering how entertaining this day was going to be. Then i got the phone call from Becca that changed it all. There was a camel downstairs right below my balcony! I love camels, and i have seen a few in my time here in India, but have yet to get a picture of Ella Mae next to a camel, which is something i really wanted. So Ryan and i headed down to the party with camera in tow!

I couldn't help but share a little in the enthusiasm. It was a mini western carnival. It had vendors serving sweet corn and cotton candy, a magician, a balloon animal artist, a bouncy tent, a puppet show, a tarot card reader, and games like hat toss and shoot the balloons. They were so proud of this event that they actually brought in professional choreographers to teach residents how to do a dance for the show. They have a red carpet and a VIP section in front of the stage, clearly a very big deal!

We had fun walking around and checking it all out. They even brought over 3 Harley Davidson's to put on display. The Hyderabad Harley Davidson store just opened about a year ago and seems to be a big deal. I really felt like i was at a little country fair, minus the rides of course. You could ride the camel however!

We had to call it a night before the show began, but as i mentioned the festivities are right outside my back door so i have been watching some of the dancing. The professional dancers are really rather fun to watch. When the kids came on that had been instructed days earlier by the choreographer i couldn't help but feel like i was at a grade school program. The choreographer even had to get on stage to break up the bunch ball effect that was going on with the little ones, it was so cute!

They are lighting off the fire lanterns, and as long as none of them end up lighting my porch on fire, they are very beautiful. I have to admit, that this is one event that i actually enjoyed. Everyone is very excited about it, and i think that excitement has become contagious, or maybe i am just getting used to the many reasons to party here in India.