Need to clarify

I think i need to be clear after my few blogs of negativity. I may be completely homesick right now, and i may be a bit depressed but that does not change one very important fact....I AM TRULY BLESSED!

I have an amazing husband who loves God and his family and is dedicated to us. We have a job that provides above and beyond our needs and in a time when work is hard to find just having a job is a blessing. I have an amazing little miracle daughter that i am blessed with every second of every day for the rest of my life. I never dreamed i would be able to carry my own baby but God gave me not only her, but let me experience pregnancy. I have parents who love me deeply and sisters that are out of this world that i will never take for granted. I have nieces and nephews that despite not getting to spend much time with are never far from my heart. I have a few very close friends that i consider to be family. I have a home, i have clothes on my back and food in my stomach. I am getting to see parts of the world that many only dream of. I THANK GOD FOR THESE BLESSINGS, and i try to walk faithfully in his plan for us.

That all being said, i still have days where there are things i miss and things i desire. After all i am just human.....

Life goes on

I think it is hardest for me to be away from home during the summer. My friends are enjoying their time at the lake, taking kids to the park, having girls nights out and i am here with none of that. Selfishly i miss it! I want to have a pedi day with Sarah and Kris and then go have a few drinks downtown. I want to have movie night with my girlfriends, or just spend an afternoon shopping. I want to go to the lake and get sunburned! I want to go to friends weddings and to go camping. I miss this stuff, i miss it so much! I cant help but feel like my years are slipping by and that i am missing out on the best times with friends. When i go back there is even a possibility that one of my dearest friends may not even be there any more! Since India, my friendships have changed. Peoples lives tend to move on with or without you and many of the people we called friend have disappeared from our lives. That is the way that it goes, but that also makes the friends that have stuck with us over the distance so much more valuable and i hate that we are missing out on time with them. Ugh, every day just seems to be harder, especially since there is no job in sight for us. I do not want to be an expat forever!!!!! I want to wake up in my bed, drive my car, clean my house, have my daughter play with our dogs and see her grandparents, relatives and friends......I wonder if this sad feeling will go away or if i am just stuck with it until we go home.....

Boooooo

Have you ever had a day that just totally sucks for no good reason????? Well today is that day! I am just plain bummed for so very many reasons, but what can you do! My life is good and i am blessed so i shouldn't complain, but i am only human and today was a bad day! I am going to bed now, tomorrow will be better, it just has to be!

back to it

My Internet has been working at the speed of backwards since we got back to India and that is really frustrating when it is your only source of communication with the real world. I think i can feel my blood pressure rising with each second of waiting. When you have a new baby in the house every second that she is asleep is valuable....Check emails-10 minutes (slow Internet), take shower-5 minutes, do laundry-5 minutes, iron uniforms-10 minutes, make bed-1 minute, balance checkbook/pay bills-10 minutes (slow Internet), sit doing nothing-0 minutes, eat food-1 minute (when lucky, great weight loss plan).

Ella Mae and i have tried to keep busy this time back. I don't want all that we accomplished while home to wither away, she was used to a busy lifestyle and i would like to keep it that way. Lately we have been taking morning walks, i love the monsoon the weather is wonderful! We have gone shopping a few times, and Ella Mae is quite the celebrity. I still think it is funny that people that don't know me have pictures of me and my baby girl, seriously what are you going to do with them, show your friends a picture of us and say "yea i don't know these guys but they were white so i took a picture of them". I will never understand this country's obsession with fair skin. If you are fair then you must be famous, or at least that is how you get treated. I can not imagine walking through the mall in the USA and having strangers take a picture of me and yet during my time in India i have been asked to pose in nearly a dozen pictures and now that Ella Mae is here it is increasing!

I think at this point i am becoming complacent about India, it has lost most of its flair and excitement and now is just a place i call home (begrudgingly might i add). I do love our little apartment, and i am used to life here. I would love to go back home but i understand that we have to stay and honestly i am just praising God that we have a job, many pilots do not! I do hope that we can return to the USA before Ella Mae starts school, but God is in control so we will just have to wait and see.

Today i couldn't help but take a picture of the new slum across the street. These little tin homes went up while we were on block off and per typical India the satellite dish caught my eye. These homes have dirt floors, no running water and tin roofs but they have TVs to watch their satellite on!! Seriously, you can be the poorest of the poor here and still you will have a cell phone and satellite! I will never understand the infrastructure of this place. A few months back we saw a Lamborghini driving down the road...FYI when you buy an import here in India you pay 100% tax ie $100,000 car becomes $200,000 car. It really does turn my stomach to know that someone can see no issue with owning a car that could nicely house and feed THOUSANDS of people. The average low class YEARLY income here is $500. I would be ashamed to drive that car here, heck i am ashamed when i wear my $180 sunglasses!

Ryan and i are trying to make the most of our potentially last year here in India and we plan to take some amazing trips, starting with Rome. I cant wait to experience a little more of the world and i feel blessed to be able to take miss Ella Mae along to all of these places! Show and tell is going to be so much fun for her when she is in school!!!

Our time back in the USA

Central Park with my sisters family

Uncle Johnny and Aunt Kim

cousins Emily and Kaeley

uncle Jeremie

Baby dedication

Ella Mae being watched over by DeoGie and Kooter

cousin Isaiah

Dona Jane

Uncle Matt and Aunt Mayme (cousin Claire was there)

Aunt Sarah

Grandpa Bill

Ryan's family

Grandpa John

Alex aka piderman

Eva, Chris, and Sarah

Me and Sarah and our girls

Aunt Kris

Grandma Dee

wow, where do i begin....

We started our time back in America with a day in NYC with my sister Kim and her family. I think it could not have been much more symbolic for Ella Mae's first day in the USA to start in the city where immigrants generally start. Although she was a US citizen from birth it was still neat to take her to NYC for her first day. We had a great time with my family, and i love that Ella Mae got to meet her family straight away.

We had a great time back in South Dakota, and we just spent all of our time with family and a few friends that we call family. Our time is always so limited so of course i never get to see everyone i want to see and i rarely get to spend much time with anyone in particular but i was blessed this trip with some truly quality time.

In the middle of our trip we drove to Nebraska so that Ryan's family could meet Ella Mae, it was wonderful to see them all and i got to meet Ryan's Dad which was awesome! The drive was not Ella Mae's favorite but we only had to stop 3 or 4 times in the 7 hours so that is not bad. It was a short stay, but a very good one. Ella even got to meet her Great Grandma Flo!

I love how much time Ella Mae got to spend with her Grandmother's and her Grandfather's. That is so special for her and i want her to have a great relationship with all of them. It was so nice for me to get a few "alone" hours as well and i got to have a girls night out to the movies with my girls.

Ella Mae has grown so much over the last month, it is truly amazing! She now tries to sit up and usually topples over, but she keeps on trying. She is miss personality with her giggles, and her pouty lip. Still no full on laugh and i cant wait to hear it! She is just such an amazing baby and Ryan and i feel so truly blessed!

Leaving for India this time was very hard because i loved being home with friends and family and Ella Mae was enjoying her family, friends, house and especially her 3 crazy doggies! Now that we are back in Hyderabad we have fallen back into step and this too is home. Ryan and i are planning an awesome trip to Rome in September and then back to the USA in November so i just know the time will fly by!

India.....

So here i am, sitting in a hotel in Mumbai. Ryan is off at ground school refresher and Ella Mae is playing on her play mat with a good case of the hiccups. I think i am still in denial that we are back and have every intention of remaining that way until we return to Hyderabad. This month should fly by as we have much to do and will be coming back to Mumbai again in a few weeks for Ryan and Ella Mae's visas.

Being over here is hard this time. Harder than any other time for sure. I want to be home with friends and family. I have had just about enough "adventure" to last a lifetime. The only major plus is that instead of waiting 4 long months to go home we will be going to Rome in 8 weeks then home 8 weeks after that. I am really hoping that it makes the time fly by so much faster! I am pretty excited to go to Rome, it should be quite the experience and Ella Mae is such a great traveller that i think this short trip will be much easier on her. We plan to continue to travel her every 8 weeks to keep her used to travelling but will only put her through the hard journey home every 4 to 6 months. We don't want to wear her out to much.

No one who has never done it could possibly understand how hard it is to be born of a Country as amazing as America and be virtually stuck in a Country as 3rd world and backwards as India...Its like nothing else. I think it is not the distance from home that is the hardest, it is the fact that my life here is nothing like my life in the USA and i miss those freedoms. I miss breathing fresh air and taking my baby girl for walks out in the country, not around our apartment complex sidewalk behind a wall lined with electrical fencing. I miss driving!!!!!! Salim is great, but getting to drive yourself is so much better! I guess if for anything else this journey not only gave us our amazing miracle daughter, but also gave me a far better appreciation for the USA.

Leaving for India

I havent blogged this whole trip back in the USA because we have been so busy and i truly have not had time. We had so much fun and i have much to write about, but that will have to wait until we are back in India.

I am dreading going back. I am bummed that Bec wont be there. It will just be me and Miss Ella Mae when Ryan is at work and that is fine, but i must admit i am not looking forward to being alone so much! While we have been home i have got to spend time with my family and my King's. That made my whole stay, and leaving them all behind is heart wrenching. These are people who are going to be part of Ella Mae's life for many years to come and they will become as important to her as they are to me. I hate to take her away from her little buddies Eva and Alex because they know how to make her smile and i still believe that Alex will take her to prom one day LOL.

We leave tomorrow and i know our little flyer will do amazingly, lets just hope that i do as well!!!!